Mr. Man wanting to be an adult

Oh little man.  You needed the TV rotated and I didn't want to get up.Here is the story:

 Next thing I know he has the remote in his hand, standing on an ottoman trying to push it...its just he still couldn't quite reach. He hunches his shoulders, sighs a big sigh and says, "ohhhh I wish I was an adult." I shall document this moment forever and remind him of it when he actually is adulting and learns the lesson beware of what you wish for!

That same day, you were playing on a work bench Grandma and Grandpa Smith got you.  Your dad told you to get the instructions and build something, and your replied,

"Nah, I don't need the instructions!"

Spoken like a Baskall!!! hahahaha

Okay, and finally, I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but you have this craziness around shoes. You hate them being tight at all and when you break in a pair to the point they are in shambles...it is only then do they become you're favorite pair.

You don't need this, but Grandpa Baskall had an old pair of tennis shoes.  The holes in the front became so bad at one point, his entire foot hung out the front.  Now, he had a perfectly good pair (or two) of new shoes in the closet, but he refused to retire them.  At Grandma Baskall's nagging, he did put duct tape around the front for awhile until finally succumbing and putting on his new pair of shoes.

Jace....sweetie...this is soooo you!  LOL  Oh my gosh and do I love you for it.

Okay, finally, last one.  You are four this year and you found the play guitar and have been trying to strum it.  I decided to show you a video of Daddy playing bass in his band.  You are absolutely hooked!!  You were bopping up and down and banging on the desk...playing pretend piano..the whole bit.  

You're Grandma Smith told us to be careful of what we showed you or you might repeat the path of your father.  That's okay.  Music in your blood Jace.  Grandpa Baskall came from a family of self taught musicians and daddy of course was a professional. Whatever you do..you are so destined for big things, I just know it.  Promise me though, always be my little boy? I love you son.

Mommy

Magic dances in your eyes: The Santa Train

We've been taking you to a Santa Train since you were 1 1/2 years.  You have ADORED trains since you were little, starting from when you could only crawl and watch Daddy's Lionel train.

Oh my gosh, you are so adorable.

Anyway, your first Santa Train was down at the Royal Gorge and truly was like the Polar Express.  It was the best Santa Train, but it was also really pricey.  

The next couple years we switched it up and went to the Georgetown Railroad Train.  

This year, has been a little rough.  I decided we would skip the train this year.  We could take you to see Santa at the mall.  It would be fine.

One day, you asked me when we were going on the Santa Train.  I told you we weren't going to go this year.  Your face fell and you said, "But mom.  How will Santa know what I want?"  You seemed distressed.

I started thinking. You will not believe in Santa for much longer.  The time for Christmas magic is now.  The time we have a childlike innocence is so short, and seems to be getting shorter these days.  As parents, we can experience the magic of Childhood again through our children.  The time is NOW.  

 I booked the tickets.  To you, Christmas and Santa begins with a train, and so it will stay until the day you know the truth.  I only get a short time longer to experience this magic again, and it didn't disappoint.

Your eyes were wide when we the train took off.  You loudly called "Chugga Chugga CHOO CHOO!!"  You stared out the window enamored by the experience. Your eyes literally danced when you talked to Santa.  

You gave him a hug

And in this moment, I felt it.  The magic of Christmas; and I was SO glad I decided to take the kids and go.  How much longer will Jace feel this? I don't know. It's hard to say, so for now though, I will enjoy it.  I will smile, take pictures, and enjoy the magic of Santa through a four year old's eyes.

Palabras de Jace

Earlier this morning....

Me: Jace, it's time to put the tablet away. No more screens.

Insert protesting and whining.

Jace: Buuuuuuuuttttttt whyyyyyyyy mooooommmmmyyyy???

Me: Because, screens aren't good for your brain. You need to go do something else now.

Jace: But I don't know what to do!!!

Me: Jace, you have a ton of stuff. Go play.

Jace: Okay mom, I will, but first, how about I stay on my screen a little bit longer to help me figure out what to do.

Me: JACE!!!!

(Jace laying under the couch foot rest with a screwdriver)
"Uh Ashlynn. I'm gonna need a wrench"
Ashlynn, "ok I'll get you one" and gives him an imaginary one.
"Well...Ashlynn, that's not gonna work, I have an idea, get me a flashlight so I can see what I'm doing" 
Seriously a script from me trying to help my dad when I was little


In the car with Jace
"I can't get out because of the child locks?"
"Yep"
"Well, Mommy, I have to tell you something. Kids don't like child locks."
"Oh no?"
"No. So, will you take it off for me?"
Nice try kid
 😂😂

Impressed with love

Jace, Jace Jace.  My little Jace.  My sweet boy.  My little man in a little boy's body.

I am soooo proud of you.  You are amazing.  You are literally having your best year yet.

At 4 1/2 I finally let you stop taking naps.  It wasn't because I didn't think you need them.  It was because we had a discussion and you understood.  I told you if you didn't want to take naps anymore, you would have to be able to control your body for the entire day, which meant no tantrums.  You totally got it.  If you even start to have a tantrum, all I have to do is remind you that is why you need a nap  and you reign it in.

You continue to excel in karate.  I'm going to keep you in this for a bit because it is enhancing your general athleticism, but YOU are a natural.  You're the smallest but fastest one, most agile one.  I love watching you.  You are so impressive.  I like seeing you proud of yourself.  :)  I see m
y skills in you. Believe it or not, your old mom was once the starter and captain of the varsity basketball team.  I did this despite being in any leagues, playing politics, or sucking my up to the top.  I was really just good. You are that too.  You will be that too.  I can't wait to see what sport you pick because you are going to freaking rock it.

You're also very inventive and innovative.  We have been on Fall Break this week, and I posted two things already that I just loved about you.

The first was that you haven't yet mastered pumping your legs to swing.....so instead, I look at the window to see you have fastened a bungie between two swings, and your sister was effectively pumping and swinging for the both of you! You have good problem solving skills!

The second was in the evening.  You had a "real" screwdriver in your hand, and you were underneath daddy's footrest on the couch with your hands "fixing" it.
You have good "fix it" skills.

I have to be somber for a moment Jace.  Family is family for a reason.  Our blood is our blood for a reason....and family MUST stick together.

Ashlynn has many strengths too.  She will love you unconditionally, because that is who she is. It is a gift in this life to be loved unconditionally.  Not many people can do that, and not many people will do that for you.  In return, I need you to love her, understand her, and accept her...unconditionally.  You need each other.  Family needs each other.  It is a two way street.  You bring your talents to the table, and you give them to each other for the greater good. Please be that for her Jace.  You are already capable and I'm so proud of you for that.  You're amazing, and I love you.  Please always return that love.

Love mommy.

Helping your sister

Jace, someone said it best to me today when they said, "He is really changing."

You ARE changing, and for the best.  I have to say, I'm more impressed by you every day.

Tonight you had to come with me to take Ashlynn to private swim lessons.  I feel bad you have to tag along when you want to get in the pool too, but you will have karate tomorrow in which Ashlynn tags along, so I feel okay with it.

I could write a blog post, but my facebook post sums it up.

I love you so much. Thank you for looking out for Ashlynn.  It's not her fault she got apraxia and dyspraxia.  It's not your fault you didn't.  However, as her family, we need to help her.  We all need to help each other actually, not matter what the problem, because that is what family does.

Tonight you showed that without anyone asking.  You just knew inherently what to do.  You're such a good boy Jace.  Always look out for one another.  This world is bad enough, we should never have to wonder if our family has our back.  Rather, we should know from a visceral level, that they do.  

Love you,

Love,

Mommy

My little man, trapped in a boy's body

Your sayings lately are getting too much to keep up with.  I keep posting them on facebook, but man Jace you are funny.  Not only are you funny, but your sayings at just four years old show how smart you are! I pray I can help you channel that.  For now, let's have a laugh or two courtesy of you just being you. <3

Jace is camping with his daddy and grandparents and I stayed home. Talking to him on the phone
Jace: So, whatcha doing mommy?
Me: Just sitting here on my computer talking to you.
Jace: What did you do today?
Me: Well, I went to work, saw clients, wrote 4 reports, cut out coupons, went to the store, cleaned our my car, did two loads of laundry, vacuumed and now I'm talking to you.
Jace: Oh....that's all?



 😳Me half asleep when Jace comes in this morning, gives me a hug, and then sweetly asks: 
Mom, can I play with your iPad?
Me: Yawn...I guess but it's in my work bag and it's almost dead.
Jace: Again?? Mom, if you want the iPad to work, you HAVE to keep it plugged into the charger! 
Me: Thanks Jace. What would I do without you bud? 😂😂 I seriously get stuff like this from this kid on a daily basis.

Driving to school (in a hurry) and the gas light comes on in my car.
Jace: Oh no mommy!! Your gas light is on! Hurry! We need to get to a gas station!
Me: Jace, it's fine. I'll get gas later.
Jace: Well, it looks like you've been driving too fast and you vroomed out all the gas!
Where the heck does he come up with this stuff and how is it I have my dad in the car with me again?

  

And the sweetest ever the other night, I wake up to find your puppy on my pillow.  Not remembering if you were in bed with me, I quickly found out.  You came in my room and told me you had left puppy on my pillow for me.  When I asked why you said, Oh because I wanted you to be cozy."  I told you thank you but that you didn't have to worry about me and you took puppy back and gave him this squeeze. 

You loved me so much you voluntarily gave me your beloved puppy just to make me "cozy."  Sigh.  At four you've already learned how to steal a heart.  Love you little man.

And the 

So, SO PROUD of you!

Jace, not only have you had an EXCELLENT and continued start to the school year, I am so proud of you for your behavior at this year's apraxia walk.  I know it's not easy to see Ashlynn get a medal for apraxia, and you don't understand why.  Not yet anyway.  Either way though, you stick by her side, held the sign during the walk, and supported her the best way you could.

You asked me why you didn't have apraxia, as though it was something to want to have.  Though this makes me happy for Ashlynn's sake, it also makes me sad.  One day, when you understand what apraxia is, you will also understand it is not something to envy, and because of it, this may be the only award she earns during her school career.

I see you in karate.  Your motor skills are developing at lightening pace speed.  As your mom, it's remarkable to witness.  Both your grandfathers on each side were very athletic.  They had great "natural ability" as my dad describes it.  You have that too.  I see it.  I want you to remember Ashlynn cheers you on at your karate classes.  She is your loudest supporter when you earn a new belt, and I want Ashlynn to remember how you were there for her too at her apraxia walk; cheering her on and holding her sign when she got tired.

My dad, your grandfather, is a BIG believer in family.  He's like this because his youngest brother died at 27.  I don't think he's every forgiven himself for it, even though it was not his fault.  He always told me though,  had his brother called family....he wouldn't have been dead.  He wanted to make sure the same for me and my siblings, and I want to make sure the same is true for you and Ashlynn.  Regardless of your fights or squabbles, at the end of the day, family MUST always be there for each other.  That is the blessing of a family.  That is the gift of a family.  Family is love, and as Corinthians reminds us:

 Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always hopes, ALWAYS perseveres.

 Whatever the challenge, a parent's greatest wish is that her children, whom she loves equally, will be there for each other as well.  In my absence or presence, I always want you two to "have each other's back."  The world can be cruel.  It can be lonely....but one thing you should always be able to count on is your family.

You both make me proud.

Love,
Mommy

GREAT start to school!

This year Jace has had an EXCELLENT start to the school year.   The teachers report he has a lot of self-motivation, and he is being a good leader and friend in class!

Today at drop off, he told the teacher he had something for her.  As he unzipped his backpack and held my breath.  Lord only knows what that child would put in there.

He pulls out a packet of letters she sent home over the summer and announced that he had completed it.  We exchanged shocked glances as Jace scurried into class!

So proud of my little boy!!

Mr. Fix it

I was told the other day that someone thinks I am funny.  ME.  YEAH.  I wasn't buying it.  So I asked why and they said the stuff I post about you is hilarious.  

Ohhhhh....well that's no ME.  I retorted.  JACE is hilarious.

You baby, are hilarious, wonderful, and cute all at the same time.

This picture doesn't capture the best part of this day.  I had actually looked out the window to find your lying back down on the sidewalk reaching your arms up to "fix" the wiggle chair you have. By the time I snapped this pic, you informed me daddy let you do it, and you proceeded to jack the wiggle chair higher in the air.

I'm not sure who you reminded me of most.  Your dad, or Grandpa Baskall.  Your Uncle Jeff asked if you were cussing yet and demanding your coffee!  LOL.  I responded that though you weren't in this instance, I may have seen you yell at inanimate objects once or twice.....so I'm pretty sure some Baskall has snuck in you!  My guess is, it's only a matter of time before you're demanding coffee!

Although, you are still so much of your dad!  The other day, you came home from school and when I asked you how your day was (you are 4 btw and in preschool), you told me it was good except "Dreyden was being a DICK!"

WHOAH!!!  I said to you!  DON'T SAY THAT WORD

"Oh, I'm really sorry mommy.  I didn't know." :/

Oh Jace.  It's hard to keep a straight face with you sometimes.  

Stepping up to help your mom..and you're only 4

Daddy went to the hospital this week.  When you're older, you will understand, but for now, Daddy's head hurts.

You were killing me with your questions.  Most people say the "where is daddy?" question in the worse....that may be true if daddy dies.  Thankfully that didn't happen.

The worst question for me to field was, "Does daddy like me?"  You asked it after he was unable to talk to you on the phone, because unbeknownst to you he was crying so hard he couldn't speak.

"Of course daddy likes you!  He likes you soo soo much," I answered.  The words felt empty.  You're just too young to understand.

Inside the hospital, daddy demanded I never let this happen to you.  Of course, if you have it, you have it.  There is nothing I can do.  However, I can make sure I get you help early and not deny you may have a problem.  I will do everything in my power Jace.  I just pray you are strong willed like your daddy and that is all.

Since he's been gone, I've been noticing little changes in you.  You've started trying to take his place. You feel a responsibility to take care of me and do things you have seen daddy do for me.

I first noticed at the fundraiser for apraxia.  We were at a trampoline place and I told you it was time to go.  You didn't argue or anything.  Instead, you went to our cubby, and instead of just getting your shoes on, you pulled out my flip flops and brought them over to me.  I was talking to another mom, so instead of interrupting, you left them by my feet.  I noticed a minute later and you were gone.  I was inredulous at your sense of responsibility!

in King Soopers when were buying Daddy more Gatorade, you told me not to carry it, and you took your little arms and drug it over to my cart.  It's something daddy would do, because I never by drinks.

We finally made it home and I had a box of fundraising items I picked up from an apraxia mom.  I was just going to leave it in my car.  I went inside and the next thing I know is you went to the passenger side and got out the box to bring inside for me.

It's so big, you tripped over your tricycle because you couldn't see.  Usually one to cry I came running over to soothe you, but you dusted off your knee and picked up all the loose pieces before you continued on your mission of bringing in the box for me.

I snapped this picture and looked on incredulous.  If you do end up like your dad, it will be sad that you have a disease in your brain,  but your heart will always be pure and true, just like your dad's.  

Jace turns four!

Happy Birthday Jace!  This year was your best birthday yet!  To start, she got your very own suitcase from Great Grandma Green and you packed your puppy, sandals. and a blanket to our annual Fourth of July trip to Glendo!

Then, when you go there, we surprised you with a new bike!  "Here comes Jace on his fancy new bike!" you were yelling throughout the campground!

We got you a bike with handle bar brakes and you got the hang of them right away.  I took you to a park at the campground, and some kids started taunting you for your training wheels.  My defenses went up and I immediately jumped in and told them to stop being rude, but I quickly realized you could hold your own when you said,

Oh, well, your bike doesn't have handle bar brakes.

You shut them right up!  They came running over to your bike to see the cool feature your bike had!  I was so proud of you!  They tried to taunt you again for having training wheels, but you didn't let them get you.  You matter of factly told them you needed them to help you stay up and then you rode off!  I hope you always remember that valuable lesson.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt.

When people make fun of you, it only works when you let them get to you.  If you embrace it rather than let them make you feel bad, you take away all of their power.  I"m so impressed by you!  You are one cool little dude!

Some other highlights were your very own pair of jetski riding goggles, and magna-tiles.

At the fireworks show, you asked if they fireworks were for you party, so of course we said yes!  I had the choice to have you July 3rd or July 5th, and I chose July 3rd so you would always have fireworks for your birthday!  Love you Jace!!  Happy Birthday Son!

Great day yesterday, feeling good, and then...he pushes down a baby

For the past two days, Jace had a great day!  He was still mischievous and naughty, but he took his time-outs without protest, and even calmed himself down from a temper tantrum at church.  (Normally he would be getting carried out). 

I told my mom last night things were looking up!  Maybe he just needed to get in the swing of the new routine and have clear and consistent boundaries set that he will have now that I'm home.  

Well, today he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I should document also though that he had a waffle I thought was gluten free but was actually just whole grain, and he had some breakfast sausage.  Just want to keep track of this stuff because the past two days he had gluten free waffles.

Anyway, Ashlynn and him were so good for the babysitter yesterday I told them I would take them to the park, but it rained so I had to take them today.  Ashlynn totally deserved it, but we barely got there.  Fighting over how was to be line leader ensued and was a meltdown.  Ahhh

At the park he was listening "ok" but then he found himself with a baby not even 1 year old.  She was standing up trying to play with a steering wheel when he just pushed her down so he could play with it.

I immediately ran over and put him in timeout, but since he won't stay in timeout, old Jace came out.  Screaming, cries that he didn't want to be in timeout, and then kicking me ensued.  I remained calm and told them it was time to go.  It's not really fair to Ashlynn she had to pay for her brother's bad behavior, but what can I do?

He went to time out at home and then got out.  He was playing with his tablet and A with my iPad when she got up to get a drink.  He grabbed the iPad and declared it was his.  I told him no, that it was still her turn and here a crash.  

Yep.  He threw it.  Why I decided to trust him after he already broke my other one IDK.  I believe in second chances.  

Why don't they work with him??  What am I going to do??  There is a popular news story right now about a kid who went to Stanford who is a great swimmer that raped a girl and only got 6 months.  In a shameful display of elitest entitlement and affluenza, the father appealed to the judge that he shouldn't have to pay 20 years for "20 minutes of action" and that he feels so bad because he used to love to make ribeye steak for his son, and now he won't even eat it because he's depressed.  

What about the girl he violated??  What about the fact that she is forever scared now to walk out alone?  The fact that she is emotionally scarred forever, the fact that she will have trust issues, probably need therapy, the list goes on.  Oh it doesn't matter because poor good 'ol boy shouldn't have his life ruined too.

How do I prevent this from being Jace?  How??  I hate to say it but he lacks empathy and sometimes just acts like an asshole.  Okay, A LOT of the times.  

I read somewhere empathy can be taught.  Dear God teach me how to teach him this.  I mean he pushed down a BABY!!!  WTH is wrong with this kid?

Crying and it's only 8:00 AM on the second day of summer break

Jace's behavior can be perfect.  This is especially true when Ashlynn isn't around.  Just her presence, for whatever reason, sets him off.  This morning, he had already kicked her, but in his defense she was kicking him too.

I fed him gluten free waffles which he actually ate.  His behavior does seem better when he doesn't have gluten and when he eats more meat....both of which are hard with his picky eating.

After breakfast though, he flew around the house in a manic frenzy.  He was hitting the book Ashlynn was reading, then he threw markers at it.  I told him if he touched the book one more time he would go to time out.  He did of course, because listening isn't his thing, and that ended him with continually slamming the door.  I told him to stop or he would be in the car seat.  He's in the car seat of course, because again, listening isn't his thing.  While putting him in though I was scratched, slapped in the face, and he tried to bite me.  Awesome morning.

I came out here to write this and I'm crying.  I'm failing him.  I don't know what to do. He is literally raging in there right now.  He is a maniac when he's like this. What do I do?  How do I help him?

I have a sticker chart again rewarding positive behavior.  It's of course working great for Ashlynn.  He wants stickers too, but if he doesn't earn one he starts raging again.


My God, he's only going to be 4.  What happens when he's bigger and stronger than me?? Why does he hit me??

I'm sad and I don't know what to do. :(

"I can't help it mommy"

Today Jace had a great morning, but unfortunately, he refused to take a nap setting off what I call "monster Jace."  His defiance kicks in and seems to have no ending point.

In a matter of 15 minutes, my almost four year old had colored with marker on the house, a wiggle bike, and on the dog's head, jumped on his toy box (which he has been repeatedly told not to do), and hit the dog with a ruler.

When I demanded to know why he hit the dog, he answered

"I can't help it mommy."

Impulsivity.  My son is at the very least impulsive.  I need better insurance to take my kids in and get them tested, so I switched them to my insurance this month which is Kaiser.  I need to talk to someone about Jace's impulsivity and subsequent defiant behavior.  I don't know what it means.

I also know he has some sensory stuff going on.  What does that mean?

I've had people tell me to change his diet...um..ok.  That's easier said than done.  He's getting better at not being such a picky eater, but like Ashlynn, he could care less about eating.  He's under the 10th percentile in all areas.  Tags bug him.  He doesn't like certain textures.

IDK. I have an alphabet soup of potential dx looming.
ADHD
SPD
ODD

What is it?  How can I help him?  I know he wants to be good.  He always begs for a hug and needs to know someone loves him after a meltdown.  I need to get this figured out.  Cody's family, all of them, say he is just like Cody.  Cody ended up with bipolar disorder.  However, it's manageable as long as he gets sleep.  Sleep is the great reset.  Sleep trumps everything.

I don't believe in coincidences, and "coincidentally" my mom asked me if he had been to the chiropractor and then a person in the ODD group said she took her kid off meds and has been getting him frequent chiropractor adjustments and it's working miracles.  I have to try that first thing.

My struggle as a parent with Jace's issue, whatever it is, is WAY more difficult than my struggle with apraxia.  Everyone knows she has apraxia and can see it.  There is support.

Behavior from ADHD or ODD just means you're a shitty parent to the rest of the world.  I have one person thank GOD who understands.  I met her because I dx her son with apraxia, but she has helped me in sooooo many other ways.  Her husband has/had bipolar disorder but had electroshock therapy, but him and Cody get along great. She's also a psychiatrist, but has two kids with ADHD and similar behavior problems to my son.

She gets it.  It's nice, because not many people do.  My parents of course stand by the fact that we need to give him a good ass whooping.  Yeah, cuz those ass whoopins kept Cody out of jail, right?  Nope, instead they enraged an already raging mind that was out of control, possibly making it worse.  Oh, and one day Cody just decided it didn't hurt anymore and took all of their power back, and he remembers the absolute glee he felt when that method of discipline didn't work anymore.....but anyway.  Yeah he just need a good ass whoopin.  Ugh

I've read that ODD behaviors rarely last past 8, but if they do, you will have more serious problems.  How do I help this kid?

"I can't help it mommy"

That phrase keeps ringing through my head.  He's so sweet and kind, just like his daddy, but sometimes, they just can't help it.  How do I help him?

First Field Day in Pre-K

I wasn't really sure what to expect for field day for Jace's preschool, but it was actually really cute and had great activities for the kids.
I think karate is really developing Jace's confidence and motor skills, because he did really good for being one of the youngest and littlest ones there!  As far as behavior...well, we're working on it. He might have kicked someone in the hand while they were sitting down causing her to cry and have everyone scoot away from him.  Sigh.  Rome wasn't build in a day.  Look at that smile though! He's a charmer that kid.  :)

I just love this picture the best.  He was sooo happy to have me and his Grandma there watching him.  I bet he gave us at least 20 hugs and kisses!  I know it must be hard for him.  Rarely is the attention on him, and if it is, it's usually because he's in trouble.  It was fun to watch him just be himself and have fun, and I'm happy we have him in karate so he could feel proud and confident.  Check out these cute pictures :)

Reading and not even four?

Jace simply amazes me, and has ever since he was little.  (He's still little, but he won't believe you).  

From talking, to engineering, to dressing and/or undressing himself, Jace has been on a mission to be independent and grown up since he was a baby.

He has a few books he really loves, and awhile ago he started "reading" them out loud.  He has a crazy good auditory memory and can memorize the pages and then retell them.  

Well, today, Ashlynn was reading one of her emergent reader books.  Her processing is slow and it's hard for her to get the words out even if she knows the word.  Jace was being quiet for the most part, which is unusual in the first place, but when Ashlynn would pause to try and come up with a word, Jace would not only finish the word, but he would read the rest of the sentence.  I wasn't paying too much attention thinking Jace had just memorized the book, but he started doing it on every page.  

I asked Cody if they had read that book already today, assuming they had and Jace had memorized it. 

The hadn't.

Oh my gosh, I think Jace can read!  I need to actually sit down with him when Ashlynn isn't around and see what he can do!  He's such a smart little boy :)

Jace loves karate.  He goes twice a week, and despite having a few bumps along the way, like getting put in time out twice one day from the instructors, he came back each session after ready to try his best again.

Karate has been really good for motor skills and executive functioning.  He has to listen to what they say even if their actions show him something else. For example, they can't move until they say "go."  So, an instructor might say, "ready, set, bananas" and motion to go, but the kids need to be listening and should stay in their spot. That is really good for a kid like Jace, because he sometimes is a little challenged in the listening department!

Today he had his belt test, which means he is being evaluated during the session to see if he could earn a new belt.  He didn't know going into it, so he was even extra surprised and happy to lift up his arms and get his new belt put on.  He bowed and everyone clapped and cheered!

He HAS really improved too!  I'm so glad he has something he loves going to and can feel proud about.

Get to work Dad!

Jace can seriously crack me up.  Rock was delivered today, and his dad came home quickly to take a look.  As we were talking, Jace had gone into the garage and pulled out the shovel.

Handing it to Cody he loudly announced,

"Here ya go Dad!  Get to work!"

As a follow-up, a week later Cody was "getting to work" while I was at work on a Saturday morning.  He said Jace got out his plastic shopping cart and snow shovel, and with sweat on his brow helped him shovel all the rocks until the end.  His dad said that Ashlynn even kept asking him to play, but he kept saying  he had to help daddy finish.  

So proud of my boy.  He's already following in a long line of men who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and help out their family.  <3

The three D's, defiance, defiance, defiance

I feel like Jace came out of the womb trying to defy life. He rejected anything he should do, or needed, like sleep for example.

He was colicky and kept me up for 8 months.  I don't honestly know how I made it through functional.

He will be 4 in July, and I've been waiting for things to get better.  Instead things only seem to get worse.

He has usually only been defiant to us, but last week his teacher told me he had a terrible day at preschool.  He hit a kid more than once, refused to go to time out, and had to be held in a corner by the teacher....who he proceeded to hit and kick.  She asked what we do.  We put him in his room. They can't do that.

I don't know what will help.  We are consistent, I have Cody's back up, we are a loving two-parent household and we are always on the same page....he just seems destined to be naughty.  We grounded him after that incident.  He had a good day of school today, but this afternoon he wouldn't listen in karate.

KARATE

His one special activity I put him in.  I put him in it to help him listen.  I put him in it to learn respect, but to also have something that was special and just his.  His Grandma took him today.  He knew he was in trouble because he wouldn't tell me what happened.

He went to his room, he's grounded from electronics.

Will it make a difference? IDK.  He talks back, he's disrespectful.  It makes me so tired.

I'm tired....and then scared.  He's been doing this since he was 18 months old at least.  I get being willful but when will he learn?  When will he realize there are consequences and we DO enforce them?  Will he ever care?

IDK...I'm tired. How can I do this another 14 years?  There are already five holes in his door from throwing toys at the door.  FML God help me.

After a good day at karate with Grandma Smith

Oh, well, then 'KICK EM IN THE FACE

Oh Jace,
My little two-sided lovey.  Right now you are 3 1/2.  One side of you is soft and sweet, charming and loving, and fiercely loyal to those he loves, like me.

On the other side, you are quick tempered and physical, defiant, but still, fiercely loyal.

I was telling you today that I didn't want to go to work.  You asked me why?  I told you because some mommies are mean to me.

You looked appalled.  "Some mommies are mean to you?" you clarified.

"Yeah."

"Oh well, mommy," you say as your start hopping on one foot and attempting to throw your other foot up in the air, "you just got to kick 'em in the face."

I tried to hold it in.  That is not funny....but....

bahahahahahahahaha

You were dead serious and you said it because  you were upset someone would hurt me and right now that is how you solve problems.

I laughed but then told you we can't kick people in their face.  You looked pretty disappointed.  I don't know if you'll listen to me.

You were naughty all day at Grandma Baskall's last week, and when I made you call her the next day and apologize, you answered...

"I'm sorry I was a bad boy grandma. I'll be better next year" 😳Again....I was trying not to laugh...but...

bahahahahahaha

Maybe you just have realistic expectations.  You're a great son and I love you.  I know that loyalty will follow you into adulthood where you will be a good man, husband, and father, just like all the great men who have gone before you like daddy, Grandma Smith, and Grandpa Baskall.

Love, Mommy

Starting Karate

I've been feeling the pressure to put Jace into something that is just for him, since he is always having to follow around Ashlynn to her Speech, O/T, now Girl Scouts, and swimming.

I did a two day trial of karate and he LOVED it.  He was so proud.

He's been in it twice a week now for a few short weeks and his motor skills and listening skills are already improving!  He loves Mr. Austin and Mr. Tim.

Last night when he went to bed, I heard him reciting their directions

"Ju - Bi"  "Chariot" "Bow"

Cody and his Grandma Smith have both been able to take him at various times too and he gets to show off his skills.  He is the cutest thing on the planet in his little uniform!  Go Jace!  Mommy's proud of you.

So proud, and it goes all wrong.

It's really starting to hit me how huge SPD is. I took Jace to Karate tonight, his first lesson. I want us to do something special for him since he is made to tag along to OT, speech, swimming, and now she gets to go to girl scouts. He was stoked, until we put on the uniform (sensory issues). I was able to get it on, but then Ashlynn started acting up. Kept asking me what SHE was doing tonight. I told her she was supporting her brother like he supports her. She was whiny but nothing I couldn't handle. Jace rocked Karate. I was so, so proud. Incident in the middle though where Ashlynn was up wondering around the gym and they asked her to sit back down. She lost it. Started crying, tantrum the whole works (she's six, this is EMBARRASSING). I manage to calm her down and Jace finishes it. I couldn't WAIT to tell him how proud I was! It's just....I never got the chance. When I told him it was time to go, he lost his freaking shit. Kicking, screaming, crying, I couldn't even get his shoes on. Major scene. I looked at Ashlynn and asked (begged) her to get her boots on and she says "no" starts crying and LAYS DOWN ON THE FLOOR. I had to haul Jace out to the car and leave her there. Lock him in there, and come back in and haul her out. I look like mom of the year let me tell you. I know it's the SPD now. That shit is the SPD and I need to address it and I just want to wave my white flag and crawl in bed and never come out.

OT concerns in Jace.....say it ain't so

Jace has his issues, but it has been a relief to see he doesn't have any overt challenges like his sister.  You just want the best for your kids, and Jace seems to be able to hang with the program.

The other day the preschool OT caught me in the hall, and told me Jace seems to have some hand weakness.

I blinked, maybe twice...maybe three times.  Jace?  No.

"He really can't hold a scissors and cut," she continued.

"Oh yeah, I know.  He sucks at cutting, but seriously, he's just not interested, and when he's not interested, it looks like he can't do it."

"Oh I thought that too maybe," she continued.  "So I really made an effort to work with him before break, and I think now he avoids scissors because they are hard."

Blink blink.

Wow.

So many things were running through my head. Jace needs OT too??  How do both of my kids need a therapy I never even heard of before I started working?  Maybe it's genetic.....that means Ashlynn having apraxia definitely isn't my fault...even though I know it's not my fault.  Oh, but, if it's genetic, why the hell do Cody and my genes suck?

Stop.

"I'd be happy to see him on an informal basis," she smiled.

"Um...yes.  Yes of course.  Thank you!  Whatever will help him."

I started thinking about OT things Ashlynn works on....like catching a ball. Though I did just post Jace finally caught a ball last month....it has been a "thing."  A peculiar thing, because other motor skills are so normal or advanced, why hasn't he been able to catch a ball?

My mind started racing.  Jace has over-sensitive sensory issues.  Sensory issues are related to OT.  He doesn't like graphics on his shirts because the back of them "hurt" his tummy. He hates his shoes too tight. He can't stand it if his socks are rotated even remotely off, I had to cut tags out of his shirts when he was little......no, no no. Shit, shit, shit.

Jace is normal.  Okay that's a horrible word.  Jace is typical.  He's fine.  Not BOTH my babies.  NO.

I texted Cody what she said.

"That's why we are paying for school right?" he responded.

Deep breath.  Yes.

Sadness swept over me.  Jace has been saying lately, or rather wailing lately, that he doesn't want to go to school.  He can't ever tell me why. Is it because it is hard?  IDK.  IDK.

Not Jace too.  Dear Lord, pray for my babies.

Finding moments of peace amidst constant screaming

Oh Jace.  My 3 1/2 year old Jace.  Somedays it feels like he literally came out of me screaming and never stopped.  Screaming fries even the most patient person, and unfortunately I'm not the most patient person anyway.

We took him and Ashlynn skiing yesterday.  He had to wait with me in the play area so Cody could get Ashlynn set up with her lessons.  The ski boot situation has been a fiasco.  I swear he has some sensory issues that are the exact opposite of Ashlynn.  Where she is under-responsive tactically, he is over responsive.  The only way we could get him into ski boots was to have him wear boots that are even bigger than Ashlynn's.  I 'm surprised he didn't fall out of them.  His first pair of boots were his size and he literally screamed every time we tried to put them on, and we tried at least 5 times.  This time was better, but he refused to wear his heavy mittens from the truck to the lodge so his hands ended up freezing.  He had to wait with Cody for me and Ashlynn because we had stairs to go down and in ski boots Ashlynn was scared so we took a very long time getting down them.

Apparently he screamed the entire time he was cold.  Cody has even less patience than me so you can imagine the mood he was in.  I took Jace up to the lodge and things were going okay, but inevitably he can't just play.  He found the changing station and had to open and close all the cabinets and climb on it.  I had to tell him multiple times to get down and then I was threatening timeout.  That made him mad so he went around taking toys from the other kids.  After the third time of this I went to grab him and he ran away out into the lodge and hid from me.  I finally found him and just had to hold him for a time out.

I moved all our stuff down away from all the kids.  He screamed for another 45 minutes, pretty much straight.  I couldn't take him to the truck because Cody had his keys.  That seriously gets to a person.  It is awful.

We ate lunch and that occupied him at least for a little bit.  Afterward he got to ski with his daddy and he did an awesome job!  It was like the one silver lining, and the best 30 minutes of the day.  He came back inside happy and proud!

"That was really, really, fun," he said.

That was short lived because then it was time to go so.....you guessed it.  More screaming.  "I don't want to go" he wailed over and over and over and over and over and over.  People thought it was cute.

"I don't want to go either little buddy!" with a smirk

Ugh.  Let's just try and get to the car.

Despite being tired he didn't sleep at all on the way home.  Great, A tired Jace means less screaming because he has no energy left right?  Nope.  It usually means even MORE screaming.  I made a frozen pizza and he screamed, "I don't want to eat pizza" over and over and over and over again.  I finally put him and his plate in his room and closed the door.  He kept screaming.  I told him he couldn't get out until his pizza was gone.  Another 45 minutes of nonstop screaming and whining in his room and he finally ate his pizza.

By that time, it was bedtime.  More screaming.

"I don't want to go to bed!  I'm not tired" over and over and over and over again.

My husband and I were totally fried.  I went to bed early.  I felt a little better.  Started to get the kids ready for school and pulled out their school clothes.  Didn't even have them out before more screaming ensued,

"I don't want to go to school" over and over and over and over.

Dear God help me.