"I can't help it mommy"

Today Jace had a great morning, but unfortunately, he refused to take a nap setting off what I call "monster Jace."  His defiance kicks in and seems to have no ending point.

In a matter of 15 minutes, my almost four year old had colored with marker on the house, a wiggle bike, and on the dog's head, jumped on his toy box (which he has been repeatedly told not to do), and hit the dog with a ruler.

When I demanded to know why he hit the dog, he answered

"I can't help it mommy."

Impulsivity.  My son is at the very least impulsive.  I need better insurance to take my kids in and get them tested, so I switched them to my insurance this month which is Kaiser.  I need to talk to someone about Jace's impulsivity and subsequent defiant behavior.  I don't know what it means.

I also know he has some sensory stuff going on.  What does that mean?

I've had people tell me to change his diet...um..ok.  That's easier said than done.  He's getting better at not being such a picky eater, but like Ashlynn, he could care less about eating.  He's under the 10th percentile in all areas.  Tags bug him.  He doesn't like certain textures.

IDK. I have an alphabet soup of potential dx looming.
ADHD
SPD
ODD

What is it?  How can I help him?  I know he wants to be good.  He always begs for a hug and needs to know someone loves him after a meltdown.  I need to get this figured out.  Cody's family, all of them, say he is just like Cody.  Cody ended up with bipolar disorder.  However, it's manageable as long as he gets sleep.  Sleep is the great reset.  Sleep trumps everything.

I don't believe in coincidences, and "coincidentally" my mom asked me if he had been to the chiropractor and then a person in the ODD group said she took her kid off meds and has been getting him frequent chiropractor adjustments and it's working miracles.  I have to try that first thing.

My struggle as a parent with Jace's issue, whatever it is, is WAY more difficult than my struggle with apraxia.  Everyone knows she has apraxia and can see it.  There is support.

Behavior from ADHD or ODD just means you're a shitty parent to the rest of the world.  I have one person thank GOD who understands.  I met her because I dx her son with apraxia, but she has helped me in sooooo many other ways.  Her husband has/had bipolar disorder but had electroshock therapy, but him and Cody get along great. She's also a psychiatrist, but has two kids with ADHD and similar behavior problems to my son.

She gets it.  It's nice, because not many people do.  My parents of course stand by the fact that we need to give him a good ass whooping.  Yeah, cuz those ass whoopins kept Cody out of jail, right?  Nope, instead they enraged an already raging mind that was out of control, possibly making it worse.  Oh, and one day Cody just decided it didn't hurt anymore and took all of their power back, and he remembers the absolute glee he felt when that method of discipline didn't work anymore.....but anyway.  Yeah he just need a good ass whoopin.  Ugh

I've read that ODD behaviors rarely last past 8, but if they do, you will have more serious problems.  How do I help this kid?

"I can't help it mommy"

That phrase keeps ringing through my head.  He's so sweet and kind, just like his daddy, but sometimes, they just can't help it.  How do I help him?