"I can't help it mommy"

Today Jace had a great morning, but unfortunately, he refused to take a nap setting off what I call "monster Jace."  His defiance kicks in and seems to have no ending point.

In a matter of 15 minutes, my almost four year old had colored with marker on the house, a wiggle bike, and on the dog's head, jumped on his toy box (which he has been repeatedly told not to do), and hit the dog with a ruler.

When I demanded to know why he hit the dog, he answered

"I can't help it mommy."

Impulsivity.  My son is at the very least impulsive.  I need better insurance to take my kids in and get them tested, so I switched them to my insurance this month which is Kaiser.  I need to talk to someone about Jace's impulsivity and subsequent defiant behavior.  I don't know what it means.

I also know he has some sensory stuff going on.  What does that mean?

I've had people tell me to change his diet...um..ok.  That's easier said than done.  He's getting better at not being such a picky eater, but like Ashlynn, he could care less about eating.  He's under the 10th percentile in all areas.  Tags bug him.  He doesn't like certain textures.

IDK. I have an alphabet soup of potential dx looming.
ADHD
SPD
ODD

What is it?  How can I help him?  I know he wants to be good.  He always begs for a hug and needs to know someone loves him after a meltdown.  I need to get this figured out.  Cody's family, all of them, say he is just like Cody.  Cody ended up with bipolar disorder.  However, it's manageable as long as he gets sleep.  Sleep is the great reset.  Sleep trumps everything.

I don't believe in coincidences, and "coincidentally" my mom asked me if he had been to the chiropractor and then a person in the ODD group said she took her kid off meds and has been getting him frequent chiropractor adjustments and it's working miracles.  I have to try that first thing.

My struggle as a parent with Jace's issue, whatever it is, is WAY more difficult than my struggle with apraxia.  Everyone knows she has apraxia and can see it.  There is support.

Behavior from ADHD or ODD just means you're a shitty parent to the rest of the world.  I have one person thank GOD who understands.  I met her because I dx her son with apraxia, but she has helped me in sooooo many other ways.  Her husband has/had bipolar disorder but had electroshock therapy, but him and Cody get along great. She's also a psychiatrist, but has two kids with ADHD and similar behavior problems to my son.

She gets it.  It's nice, because not many people do.  My parents of course stand by the fact that we need to give him a good ass whooping.  Yeah, cuz those ass whoopins kept Cody out of jail, right?  Nope, instead they enraged an already raging mind that was out of control, possibly making it worse.  Oh, and one day Cody just decided it didn't hurt anymore and took all of their power back, and he remembers the absolute glee he felt when that method of discipline didn't work anymore.....but anyway.  Yeah he just need a good ass whoopin.  Ugh

I've read that ODD behaviors rarely last past 8, but if they do, you will have more serious problems.  How do I help this kid?

"I can't help it mommy"

That phrase keeps ringing through my head.  He's so sweet and kind, just like his daddy, but sometimes, they just can't help it.  How do I help him?

The three D's, defiance, defiance, defiance

I feel like Jace came out of the womb trying to defy life. He rejected anything he should do, or needed, like sleep for example.

He was colicky and kept me up for 8 months.  I don't honestly know how I made it through functional.

He will be 4 in July, and I've been waiting for things to get better.  Instead things only seem to get worse.

He has usually only been defiant to us, but last week his teacher told me he had a terrible day at preschool.  He hit a kid more than once, refused to go to time out, and had to be held in a corner by the teacher....who he proceeded to hit and kick.  She asked what we do.  We put him in his room. They can't do that.

I don't know what will help.  We are consistent, I have Cody's back up, we are a loving two-parent household and we are always on the same page....he just seems destined to be naughty.  We grounded him after that incident.  He had a good day of school today, but this afternoon he wouldn't listen in karate.

KARATE

His one special activity I put him in.  I put him in it to help him listen.  I put him in it to learn respect, but to also have something that was special and just his.  His Grandma took him today.  He knew he was in trouble because he wouldn't tell me what happened.

He went to his room, he's grounded from electronics.

Will it make a difference? IDK.  He talks back, he's disrespectful.  It makes me so tired.

I'm tired....and then scared.  He's been doing this since he was 18 months old at least.  I get being willful but when will he learn?  When will he realize there are consequences and we DO enforce them?  Will he ever care?

IDK...I'm tired. How can I do this another 14 years?  There are already five holes in his door from throwing toys at the door.  FML God help me.

After a good day at karate with Grandma Smith

Finding moments of peace amidst constant screaming

Oh Jace.  My 3 1/2 year old Jace.  Somedays it feels like he literally came out of me screaming and never stopped.  Screaming fries even the most patient person, and unfortunately I'm not the most patient person anyway.

We took him and Ashlynn skiing yesterday.  He had to wait with me in the play area so Cody could get Ashlynn set up with her lessons.  The ski boot situation has been a fiasco.  I swear he has some sensory issues that are the exact opposite of Ashlynn.  Where she is under-responsive tactically, he is over responsive.  The only way we could get him into ski boots was to have him wear boots that are even bigger than Ashlynn's.  I 'm surprised he didn't fall out of them.  His first pair of boots were his size and he literally screamed every time we tried to put them on, and we tried at least 5 times.  This time was better, but he refused to wear his heavy mittens from the truck to the lodge so his hands ended up freezing.  He had to wait with Cody for me and Ashlynn because we had stairs to go down and in ski boots Ashlynn was scared so we took a very long time getting down them.

Apparently he screamed the entire time he was cold.  Cody has even less patience than me so you can imagine the mood he was in.  I took Jace up to the lodge and things were going okay, but inevitably he can't just play.  He found the changing station and had to open and close all the cabinets and climb on it.  I had to tell him multiple times to get down and then I was threatening timeout.  That made him mad so he went around taking toys from the other kids.  After the third time of this I went to grab him and he ran away out into the lodge and hid from me.  I finally found him and just had to hold him for a time out.

I moved all our stuff down away from all the kids.  He screamed for another 45 minutes, pretty much straight.  I couldn't take him to the truck because Cody had his keys.  That seriously gets to a person.  It is awful.

We ate lunch and that occupied him at least for a little bit.  Afterward he got to ski with his daddy and he did an awesome job!  It was like the one silver lining, and the best 30 minutes of the day.  He came back inside happy and proud!

"That was really, really, fun," he said.

That was short lived because then it was time to go so.....you guessed it.  More screaming.  "I don't want to go" he wailed over and over and over and over and over and over.  People thought it was cute.

"I don't want to go either little buddy!" with a smirk

Ugh.  Let's just try and get to the car.

Despite being tired he didn't sleep at all on the way home.  Great, A tired Jace means less screaming because he has no energy left right?  Nope.  It usually means even MORE screaming.  I made a frozen pizza and he screamed, "I don't want to eat pizza" over and over and over and over again.  I finally put him and his plate in his room and closed the door.  He kept screaming.  I told him he couldn't get out until his pizza was gone.  Another 45 minutes of nonstop screaming and whining in his room and he finally ate his pizza.

By that time, it was bedtime.  More screaming.

"I don't want to go to bed!  I'm not tired" over and over and over and over again.

My husband and I were totally fried.  I went to bed early.  I felt a little better.  Started to get the kids ready for school and pulled out their school clothes.  Didn't even have them out before more screaming ensued,

"I don't want to go to school" over and over and over and over.

Dear God help me.