The counselor told me to catch Jace when his anger is at about a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Sounded reasonable...I quickly found out the problem though. Jace doesn't have a 6. He has a 1 or a 10. There is no in between. There is happy Jace or triggered Jace, and nothing in between.
So, what was the offense today?
Well, we were getting ready for school and even though I had warned him that in 5 minutes we were turning off the TV to get ready for school, when 5 minutes came and I announced I would be turning off the TV I might as well as turned on his rage at 10 switch.
No joke.
FULL ON RAGE. Threw the remote, to which I told him he would clip down on our clip system. So he attacked the clip system, and any other item hanging on the fridge, to which I calmly told him would be another clip down and so and so forth until we were all the way down to red.
He hit the playstation, to which I replied he would no longer be able to watch any movies for a week since he couldn't respect the machine that played them. In the midst of the chaos, I can't actually remember how I got him in the car.
Regardless, that wasn't good either. He proceeded to kick the door and the chair, pull the handle (thank goodness for child locks) and unbuckle himself and flip over his car seat. Oh, and did I mention he threw every item and toy he could get his hands on my way? Somehow I stayed calm throughout the entire thing. I've decided to look at it differently.
He is bipolar. He is. There I said it.
We've all known it. We've all tried to deny it. The counselor said at this age that can't dx, but I call bullshit, because if there is one thing I know besides apraxia, it's bipolar....and my baby has it.
It's actually a relief. When it's bipolar, I don't this mindset like it's Jace and I need to discipline it out of him. I can't. I literally can't discipline the bipolar out of a child no more than the incarceration tries to punish the mental illness out of inmates.
So...what to do?
Number one: Remain calm and don't engage. It seems counter intuitive not to engage his rage, but it only makes it worse, regardless of the course of action.
Number two: Get a what works list. I'm still working on this one. I can't figure out what can actually calm Jace down. We have tried counting to 10, taking deep breaths, using a calm down water bottle that just got chucked at us or the door). IDK. Last week it was hiding in a closet, but in the car, that's not an option.
Ironically, he has a sore throat and needed water from all of his screaming. I had one in the car that had ice in it. I shook it up and it cracked into many pieces providing visual stimulating input along with noise. He giggled in I swear, a maniacal way. It was almost disturbing, but it did calm him down.
When he got out of school, he remembered he was on red, and he remembered he would be taking a timeout in his room. He immediately started whining. Maybe at this point he the closest to a 6 than he ever will be; however, once I affirm his punishment we will be at a 10. If I ignore his punishment, we'll continue at a 6 indefinitely.
Well I affirmed his punishment, and the car ride home was another 25 minute rage session. He threw things, he kicked, he screamed, he unbuckled his seat belt, he knocked it over at me....ALL THE WAY HOME.
FML
I put him in his room. I opened the door when he stopped raging. He laid in his bed. He w
as quiet. I walked away. He seemed to calm himself down and then after 15 minutes, came out to eat.
Out afternoon was decent considering he's completely grounded from screens today and tomorrow and tablets for an entire week. He painted, he colored, he drew the most adorable family pic of us. I was so proud.
But then...it was time to pick up Ashlynn. Car rides are a trigger. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck MY LIFE.
It's a blur. I somehow reasoned with him enough that he didn't rage there....but he did on the way back. The offense? It was time to go back home. (This was after having dinner at his grandparent's house and even letting him stay and play a flashlight game with his papa.)
I had things thrown at me. Ashlynn was hit three times. He refused to stay in his car seat....as much as i tried to stay calm for Ashlynn, she and me, are held hostage by him and his rage.
Sigh.
It's out of control. It's out of control, and he's only four. Help me. Help me God. Help me help him. Guide Cody and I into making the decisions that are best for his well being. Give me discernment to hear you. Please. Help me save my son.
Laura
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