Jace turns four!

Happy Birthday Jace!  This year was your best birthday yet!  To start, she got your very own suitcase from Great Grandma Green and you packed your puppy, sandals. and a blanket to our annual Fourth of July trip to Glendo!

Then, when you go there, we surprised you with a new bike!  "Here comes Jace on his fancy new bike!" you were yelling throughout the campground!

We got you a bike with handle bar brakes and you got the hang of them right away.  I took you to a park at the campground, and some kids started taunting you for your training wheels.  My defenses went up and I immediately jumped in and told them to stop being rude, but I quickly realized you could hold your own when you said,

Oh, well, your bike doesn't have handle bar brakes.

You shut them right up!  They came running over to your bike to see the cool feature your bike had!  I was so proud of you!  They tried to taunt you again for having training wheels, but you didn't let them get you.  You matter of factly told them you needed them to help you stay up and then you rode off!  I hope you always remember that valuable lesson.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt.

When people make fun of you, it only works when you let them get to you.  If you embrace it rather than let them make you feel bad, you take away all of their power.  I"m so impressed by you!  You are one cool little dude!

Some other highlights were your very own pair of jetski riding goggles, and magna-tiles.

At the fireworks show, you asked if they fireworks were for you party, so of course we said yes!  I had the choice to have you July 3rd or July 5th, and I chose July 3rd so you would always have fireworks for your birthday!  Love you Jace!!  Happy Birthday Son!

Great day yesterday, feeling good, and then...he pushes down a baby

For the past two days, Jace had a great day!  He was still mischievous and naughty, but he took his time-outs without protest, and even calmed himself down from a temper tantrum at church.  (Normally he would be getting carried out). 

I told my mom last night things were looking up!  Maybe he just needed to get in the swing of the new routine and have clear and consistent boundaries set that he will have now that I'm home.  

Well, today he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I should document also though that he had a waffle I thought was gluten free but was actually just whole grain, and he had some breakfast sausage.  Just want to keep track of this stuff because the past two days he had gluten free waffles.

Anyway, Ashlynn and him were so good for the babysitter yesterday I told them I would take them to the park, but it rained so I had to take them today.  Ashlynn totally deserved it, but we barely got there.  Fighting over how was to be line leader ensued and was a meltdown.  Ahhh

At the park he was listening "ok" but then he found himself with a baby not even 1 year old.  She was standing up trying to play with a steering wheel when he just pushed her down so he could play with it.

I immediately ran over and put him in timeout, but since he won't stay in timeout, old Jace came out.  Screaming, cries that he didn't want to be in timeout, and then kicking me ensued.  I remained calm and told them it was time to go.  It's not really fair to Ashlynn she had to pay for her brother's bad behavior, but what can I do?

He went to time out at home and then got out.  He was playing with his tablet and A with my iPad when she got up to get a drink.  He grabbed the iPad and declared it was his.  I told him no, that it was still her turn and here a crash.  

Yep.  He threw it.  Why I decided to trust him after he already broke my other one IDK.  I believe in second chances.  

Why don't they work with him??  What am I going to do??  There is a popular news story right now about a kid who went to Stanford who is a great swimmer that raped a girl and only got 6 months.  In a shameful display of elitest entitlement and affluenza, the father appealed to the judge that he shouldn't have to pay 20 years for "20 minutes of action" and that he feels so bad because he used to love to make ribeye steak for his son, and now he won't even eat it because he's depressed.  

What about the girl he violated??  What about the fact that she is forever scared now to walk out alone?  The fact that she is emotionally scarred forever, the fact that she will have trust issues, probably need therapy, the list goes on.  Oh it doesn't matter because poor good 'ol boy shouldn't have his life ruined too.

How do I prevent this from being Jace?  How??  I hate to say it but he lacks empathy and sometimes just acts like an asshole.  Okay, A LOT of the times.  

I read somewhere empathy can be taught.  Dear God teach me how to teach him this.  I mean he pushed down a BABY!!!  WTH is wrong with this kid?

Crying and it's only 8:00 AM on the second day of summer break

Jace's behavior can be perfect.  This is especially true when Ashlynn isn't around.  Just her presence, for whatever reason, sets him off.  This morning, he had already kicked her, but in his defense she was kicking him too.

I fed him gluten free waffles which he actually ate.  His behavior does seem better when he doesn't have gluten and when he eats more meat....both of which are hard with his picky eating.

After breakfast though, he flew around the house in a manic frenzy.  He was hitting the book Ashlynn was reading, then he threw markers at it.  I told him if he touched the book one more time he would go to time out.  He did of course, because listening isn't his thing, and that ended him with continually slamming the door.  I told him to stop or he would be in the car seat.  He's in the car seat of course, because again, listening isn't his thing.  While putting him in though I was scratched, slapped in the face, and he tried to bite me.  Awesome morning.

I came out here to write this and I'm crying.  I'm failing him.  I don't know what to do. He is literally raging in there right now.  He is a maniac when he's like this. What do I do?  How do I help him?

I have a sticker chart again rewarding positive behavior.  It's of course working great for Ashlynn.  He wants stickers too, but if he doesn't earn one he starts raging again.


My God, he's only going to be 4.  What happens when he's bigger and stronger than me?? Why does he hit me??

I'm sad and I don't know what to do. :(

"I can't help it mommy"

Today Jace had a great morning, but unfortunately, he refused to take a nap setting off what I call "monster Jace."  His defiance kicks in and seems to have no ending point.

In a matter of 15 minutes, my almost four year old had colored with marker on the house, a wiggle bike, and on the dog's head, jumped on his toy box (which he has been repeatedly told not to do), and hit the dog with a ruler.

When I demanded to know why he hit the dog, he answered

"I can't help it mommy."

Impulsivity.  My son is at the very least impulsive.  I need better insurance to take my kids in and get them tested, so I switched them to my insurance this month which is Kaiser.  I need to talk to someone about Jace's impulsivity and subsequent defiant behavior.  I don't know what it means.

I also know he has some sensory stuff going on.  What does that mean?

I've had people tell me to change his diet...um..ok.  That's easier said than done.  He's getting better at not being such a picky eater, but like Ashlynn, he could care less about eating.  He's under the 10th percentile in all areas.  Tags bug him.  He doesn't like certain textures.

IDK. I have an alphabet soup of potential dx looming.
ADHD
SPD
ODD

What is it?  How can I help him?  I know he wants to be good.  He always begs for a hug and needs to know someone loves him after a meltdown.  I need to get this figured out.  Cody's family, all of them, say he is just like Cody.  Cody ended up with bipolar disorder.  However, it's manageable as long as he gets sleep.  Sleep is the great reset.  Sleep trumps everything.

I don't believe in coincidences, and "coincidentally" my mom asked me if he had been to the chiropractor and then a person in the ODD group said she took her kid off meds and has been getting him frequent chiropractor adjustments and it's working miracles.  I have to try that first thing.

My struggle as a parent with Jace's issue, whatever it is, is WAY more difficult than my struggle with apraxia.  Everyone knows she has apraxia and can see it.  There is support.

Behavior from ADHD or ODD just means you're a shitty parent to the rest of the world.  I have one person thank GOD who understands.  I met her because I dx her son with apraxia, but she has helped me in sooooo many other ways.  Her husband has/had bipolar disorder but had electroshock therapy, but him and Cody get along great. She's also a psychiatrist, but has two kids with ADHD and similar behavior problems to my son.

She gets it.  It's nice, because not many people do.  My parents of course stand by the fact that we need to give him a good ass whooping.  Yeah, cuz those ass whoopins kept Cody out of jail, right?  Nope, instead they enraged an already raging mind that was out of control, possibly making it worse.  Oh, and one day Cody just decided it didn't hurt anymore and took all of their power back, and he remembers the absolute glee he felt when that method of discipline didn't work anymore.....but anyway.  Yeah he just need a good ass whoopin.  Ugh

I've read that ODD behaviors rarely last past 8, but if they do, you will have more serious problems.  How do I help this kid?

"I can't help it mommy"

That phrase keeps ringing through my head.  He's so sweet and kind, just like his daddy, but sometimes, they just can't help it.  How do I help him?

First Field Day in Pre-K

I wasn't really sure what to expect for field day for Jace's preschool, but it was actually really cute and had great activities for the kids.
I think karate is really developing Jace's confidence and motor skills, because he did really good for being one of the youngest and littlest ones there!  As far as behavior...well, we're working on it. He might have kicked someone in the hand while they were sitting down causing her to cry and have everyone scoot away from him.  Sigh.  Rome wasn't build in a day.  Look at that smile though! He's a charmer that kid.  :)

I just love this picture the best.  He was sooo happy to have me and his Grandma there watching him.  I bet he gave us at least 20 hugs and kisses!  I know it must be hard for him.  Rarely is the attention on him, and if it is, it's usually because he's in trouble.  It was fun to watch him just be himself and have fun, and I'm happy we have him in karate so he could feel proud and confident.  Check out these cute pictures :)

Reading and not even four?

Jace simply amazes me, and has ever since he was little.  (He's still little, but he won't believe you).  

From talking, to engineering, to dressing and/or undressing himself, Jace has been on a mission to be independent and grown up since he was a baby.

He has a few books he really loves, and awhile ago he started "reading" them out loud.  He has a crazy good auditory memory and can memorize the pages and then retell them.  

Well, today, Ashlynn was reading one of her emergent reader books.  Her processing is slow and it's hard for her to get the words out even if she knows the word.  Jace was being quiet for the most part, which is unusual in the first place, but when Ashlynn would pause to try and come up with a word, Jace would not only finish the word, but he would read the rest of the sentence.  I wasn't paying too much attention thinking Jace had just memorized the book, but he started doing it on every page.  

I asked Cody if they had read that book already today, assuming they had and Jace had memorized it. 

The hadn't.

Oh my gosh, I think Jace can read!  I need to actually sit down with him when Ashlynn isn't around and see what he can do!  He's such a smart little boy :)

Jace loves karate.  He goes twice a week, and despite having a few bumps along the way, like getting put in time out twice one day from the instructors, he came back each session after ready to try his best again.

Karate has been really good for motor skills and executive functioning.  He has to listen to what they say even if their actions show him something else. For example, they can't move until they say "go."  So, an instructor might say, "ready, set, bananas" and motion to go, but the kids need to be listening and should stay in their spot. That is really good for a kid like Jace, because he sometimes is a little challenged in the listening department!

Today he had his belt test, which means he is being evaluated during the session to see if he could earn a new belt.  He didn't know going into it, so he was even extra surprised and happy to lift up his arms and get his new belt put on.  He bowed and everyone clapped and cheered!

He HAS really improved too!  I'm so glad he has something he loves going to and can feel proud about.