Crying and it's only 8:00 AM on the second day of summer break

Jace's behavior can be perfect.  This is especially true when Ashlynn isn't around.  Just her presence, for whatever reason, sets him off.  This morning, he had already kicked her, but in his defense she was kicking him too.

I fed him gluten free waffles which he actually ate.  His behavior does seem better when he doesn't have gluten and when he eats more meat....both of which are hard with his picky eating.

After breakfast though, he flew around the house in a manic frenzy.  He was hitting the book Ashlynn was reading, then he threw markers at it.  I told him if he touched the book one more time he would go to time out.  He did of course, because listening isn't his thing, and that ended him with continually slamming the door.  I told him to stop or he would be in the car seat.  He's in the car seat of course, because again, listening isn't his thing.  While putting him in though I was scratched, slapped in the face, and he tried to bite me.  Awesome morning.

I came out here to write this and I'm crying.  I'm failing him.  I don't know what to do. He is literally raging in there right now.  He is a maniac when he's like this. What do I do?  How do I help him?

I have a sticker chart again rewarding positive behavior.  It's of course working great for Ashlynn.  He wants stickers too, but if he doesn't earn one he starts raging again.


My God, he's only going to be 4.  What happens when he's bigger and stronger than me?? Why does he hit me??

I'm sad and I don't know what to do. :(

"I can't help it mommy"

Today Jace had a great morning, but unfortunately, he refused to take a nap setting off what I call "monster Jace."  His defiance kicks in and seems to have no ending point.

In a matter of 15 minutes, my almost four year old had colored with marker on the house, a wiggle bike, and on the dog's head, jumped on his toy box (which he has been repeatedly told not to do), and hit the dog with a ruler.

When I demanded to know why he hit the dog, he answered

"I can't help it mommy."

Impulsivity.  My son is at the very least impulsive.  I need better insurance to take my kids in and get them tested, so I switched them to my insurance this month which is Kaiser.  I need to talk to someone about Jace's impulsivity and subsequent defiant behavior.  I don't know what it means.

I also know he has some sensory stuff going on.  What does that mean?

I've had people tell me to change his diet...um..ok.  That's easier said than done.  He's getting better at not being such a picky eater, but like Ashlynn, he could care less about eating.  He's under the 10th percentile in all areas.  Tags bug him.  He doesn't like certain textures.

IDK. I have an alphabet soup of potential dx looming.
ADHD
SPD
ODD

What is it?  How can I help him?  I know he wants to be good.  He always begs for a hug and needs to know someone loves him after a meltdown.  I need to get this figured out.  Cody's family, all of them, say he is just like Cody.  Cody ended up with bipolar disorder.  However, it's manageable as long as he gets sleep.  Sleep is the great reset.  Sleep trumps everything.

I don't believe in coincidences, and "coincidentally" my mom asked me if he had been to the chiropractor and then a person in the ODD group said she took her kid off meds and has been getting him frequent chiropractor adjustments and it's working miracles.  I have to try that first thing.

My struggle as a parent with Jace's issue, whatever it is, is WAY more difficult than my struggle with apraxia.  Everyone knows she has apraxia and can see it.  There is support.

Behavior from ADHD or ODD just means you're a shitty parent to the rest of the world.  I have one person thank GOD who understands.  I met her because I dx her son with apraxia, but she has helped me in sooooo many other ways.  Her husband has/had bipolar disorder but had electroshock therapy, but him and Cody get along great. She's also a psychiatrist, but has two kids with ADHD and similar behavior problems to my son.

She gets it.  It's nice, because not many people do.  My parents of course stand by the fact that we need to give him a good ass whooping.  Yeah, cuz those ass whoopins kept Cody out of jail, right?  Nope, instead they enraged an already raging mind that was out of control, possibly making it worse.  Oh, and one day Cody just decided it didn't hurt anymore and took all of their power back, and he remembers the absolute glee he felt when that method of discipline didn't work anymore.....but anyway.  Yeah he just need a good ass whoopin.  Ugh

I've read that ODD behaviors rarely last past 8, but if they do, you will have more serious problems.  How do I help this kid?

"I can't help it mommy"

That phrase keeps ringing through my head.  He's so sweet and kind, just like his daddy, but sometimes, they just can't help it.  How do I help him?

First Field Day in Pre-K

I wasn't really sure what to expect for field day for Jace's preschool, but it was actually really cute and had great activities for the kids.
I think karate is really developing Jace's confidence and motor skills, because he did really good for being one of the youngest and littlest ones there!  As far as behavior...well, we're working on it. He might have kicked someone in the hand while they were sitting down causing her to cry and have everyone scoot away from him.  Sigh.  Rome wasn't build in a day.  Look at that smile though! He's a charmer that kid.  :)

I just love this picture the best.  He was sooo happy to have me and his Grandma there watching him.  I bet he gave us at least 20 hugs and kisses!  I know it must be hard for him.  Rarely is the attention on him, and if it is, it's usually because he's in trouble.  It was fun to watch him just be himself and have fun, and I'm happy we have him in karate so he could feel proud and confident.  Check out these cute pictures :)

Reading and not even four?

Jace simply amazes me, and has ever since he was little.  (He's still little, but he won't believe you).  

From talking, to engineering, to dressing and/or undressing himself, Jace has been on a mission to be independent and grown up since he was a baby.

He has a few books he really loves, and awhile ago he started "reading" them out loud.  He has a crazy good auditory memory and can memorize the pages and then retell them.  

Well, today, Ashlynn was reading one of her emergent reader books.  Her processing is slow and it's hard for her to get the words out even if she knows the word.  Jace was being quiet for the most part, which is unusual in the first place, but when Ashlynn would pause to try and come up with a word, Jace would not only finish the word, but he would read the rest of the sentence.  I wasn't paying too much attention thinking Jace had just memorized the book, but he started doing it on every page.  

I asked Cody if they had read that book already today, assuming they had and Jace had memorized it. 

The hadn't.

Oh my gosh, I think Jace can read!  I need to actually sit down with him when Ashlynn isn't around and see what he can do!  He's such a smart little boy :)

Jace loves karate.  He goes twice a week, and despite having a few bumps along the way, like getting put in time out twice one day from the instructors, he came back each session after ready to try his best again.

Karate has been really good for motor skills and executive functioning.  He has to listen to what they say even if their actions show him something else. For example, they can't move until they say "go."  So, an instructor might say, "ready, set, bananas" and motion to go, but the kids need to be listening and should stay in their spot. That is really good for a kid like Jace, because he sometimes is a little challenged in the listening department!

Today he had his belt test, which means he is being evaluated during the session to see if he could earn a new belt.  He didn't know going into it, so he was even extra surprised and happy to lift up his arms and get his new belt put on.  He bowed and everyone clapped and cheered!

He HAS really improved too!  I'm so glad he has something he loves going to and can feel proud about.

Get to work Dad!

Jace can seriously crack me up.  Rock was delivered today, and his dad came home quickly to take a look.  As we were talking, Jace had gone into the garage and pulled out the shovel.

Handing it to Cody he loudly announced,

"Here ya go Dad!  Get to work!"

As a follow-up, a week later Cody was "getting to work" while I was at work on a Saturday morning.  He said Jace got out his plastic shopping cart and snow shovel, and with sweat on his brow helped him shovel all the rocks until the end.  His dad said that Ashlynn even kept asking him to play, but he kept saying  he had to help daddy finish.  

So proud of my boy.  He's already following in a long line of men who aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves and help out their family.  <3

The three D's, defiance, defiance, defiance

I feel like Jace came out of the womb trying to defy life. He rejected anything he should do, or needed, like sleep for example.

He was colicky and kept me up for 8 months.  I don't honestly know how I made it through functional.

He will be 4 in July, and I've been waiting for things to get better.  Instead things only seem to get worse.

He has usually only been defiant to us, but last week his teacher told me he had a terrible day at preschool.  He hit a kid more than once, refused to go to time out, and had to be held in a corner by the teacher....who he proceeded to hit and kick.  She asked what we do.  We put him in his room. They can't do that.

I don't know what will help.  We are consistent, I have Cody's back up, we are a loving two-parent household and we are always on the same page....he just seems destined to be naughty.  We grounded him after that incident.  He had a good day of school today, but this afternoon he wouldn't listen in karate.

KARATE

His one special activity I put him in.  I put him in it to help him listen.  I put him in it to learn respect, but to also have something that was special and just his.  His Grandma took him today.  He knew he was in trouble because he wouldn't tell me what happened.

He went to his room, he's grounded from electronics.

Will it make a difference? IDK.  He talks back, he's disrespectful.  It makes me so tired.

I'm tired....and then scared.  He's been doing this since he was 18 months old at least.  I get being willful but when will he learn?  When will he realize there are consequences and we DO enforce them?  Will he ever care?

IDK...I'm tired. How can I do this another 14 years?  There are already five holes in his door from throwing toys at the door.  FML God help me.

After a good day at karate with Grandma Smith