A visit from our angels - Chinese New Year

 With our new trailer we have been having quite the winter adventure, as daddy has no problem hauling it in the cold.  He makes sure everything is warm and working so we can spend time in nature as a family. 

On the last weekend in January in 2022, we had intended on going to Golden Gate.  After an unfortunate series of events that don't need to be further explained, we all ended up at Boyd Lake.  Since we were close to Kris' house, Kris came that day and took a walk and Kayla came that evening to enjoy the fire after work that night.  

Daddy had one more Chinese lantern left in the trailer.  It was so magical as night was clear and the stars were lit up in the sky. We all made a wish to ourselves before sending the lantern up into the sky and our desires and wishes out to the universe. 

Upon reviewing the video when we got home, there appeared to be a green illuminated butterfly flying around Cody. Since it was 25 degrees out and the dead of winter, there was to be no way it could be a bug.  It flew with such intent it was also hard to believe it was a reflection of my camera lense.  When I asked myself "what is this?" a voice in my head immediately responded with, "Granny."  Granny was daddy's grandma and he loved her so much.  He always felt loved and connected to her. She died shortly after we were married and this trauma is what caused his first bipolar episode.  I remember him crying in the back of the ambulance for "Vivian" who was no longer with us....or was she?  

I had Kayla send me her video since she took one too, and the green butterfly orb is clearly visible in hers as well. I don't know what your wish was Jace, but a few weeks ago daddy was looking to be on the path to another episode and you told me, "If I had one wish it would be that daddy doesn't go bipolar, but I'm afraid it's too late."  Our words are so powerful and I believe you put that out to the Universe and the loving source energy responded to your innocent but emphatic plea.  Don't believe me?  Just look for yourself. 

Dream big little one

 It's so fun watching you grow Jace.  You truly take life in.  You understand intuitively what you see.  You quickly picked up a law of the universe that our words are powerful and can literally alter reality.  I'll never forget you learning this lesson one day. We were getting out of the truck and you were carrying a water melon and you announced "I feel like I'm going to drop this" and laughed.  When we got in the house, you sure enough dropped the watermelon.  That's when I told you our words are powerful.  Be careful what you say.  From now on you even catch me being negative and remind me "not to put that out there."  You were eight years old when you learned that.

I love the songs that speak to you.  You recently found "run" by one republic.  It's a great song so I decided to look up the lyrics and why the writer wrote them.  His name is Ryan Tedder and he wrote the song in response to the COVID propaganda dominating the news cycle.  He said he learned a long time ago to turn off the news, focus on the positive, reject the negative, count your blessings, and keep your eyes on the rising sun, or the wonders of God and this Universe.

I literally couldn't teach you a better lesson myself.  COVID has been a weird time.  We have almost a split universe.  One set of people listen to the news daily, stay in fear, and step in line with every recommendation.  Your dad and myself are not part of this universe.  We are in the other realm. Ryan Tedder's realm.  Turn off the news. Trust God, yourself, and your intuition because your intuition is the truth.  Not media propaganda.  We live our life and I hope when you grow up you remember this time not as one of fear, but of one as intense spiritual growth and understanding that you will never forget.

In an interview with Ryan Tedder about his song Counting Stars, another favorite of mine, he said the idea came to him because people need to be writing about  life and faith and hope.  I think you could be like him Jace.  You have music in your soul, you're creative, and you technically already wrote your first song at 9!  Now granted it was about a tractor called "bumpin along the road" but still!  Everyone starts somewhere.  

No matter what you decide to do or be though, I know you are going to be amazing!

I also love your long hair.  You are an absolutely beautiful boy with a beautiful heart and soul and I love you more than words could ever say. 
Love,

Mom

Your future self

Oh my Jace,

Where do I start?  Your talents and abilities are many.  You have natural ability in basketball and your Papa Baskall came to a game and knew immediately after he had to buy you a hoop so you could practice.

And practice you have.

Today I was practicing with Ashlynn and you.  She wanted to make 10 baskets before we switched it up.  You're in second grade. You have not been taught multiplication.

We were at 6 baskets before you paused a moment before commenting - wait so if you have six baskets that means you have 12 points.

I asked you how you did that.  You said you didn't know. 

You're amazing my son. I don't know what you will be - so many options.  The greatest option is the dream inside of you.

Today you were watching 8 simple hacks on youtube......I was bored after 20 seconds!

What will you become?? 

Love you,
Love Mommy

Summer of 2019 memories

Tonight you are excitedly anticipating going back to school to start second grade.  Brimming with excitment you ran around the house telling me how you couldn't wait.  You also asked me to make Ham and Cheese casserole so you could take it for lunch.  You told me it was your favorite, so after Daddy cooked an amazing steak dinner I cleaned up and made you the casserole.  Standing in the kitchen, you were looking at our fridge and all the magnets from our trips this summer.  From a parental standpoint, it wasn't to any amazing destination.  We went to Pittsburgh on a family trip because that is where the apraxia conference was, but you honestly had the best time.  You absolutely fell in love with the amusement park KennyWood there and of course we were able to have a lot of quality family time.

The first part of the summer was filled with Adam's Camp awesomeness and our traditional Glendo vacation. In all honestly, the summer flew by.  I can barely believe 2 1/2 months have passed and now I am sending you on to second grade.

This year, I think you have gotten a better understanding of Ashlynn's difficulties.  She spoke at the apraxia conference and you told me after with a confused voice that it kinda made you almost cry.  I'm sorry life is so hard for you Jace.  I'm sorry Ashlynn seems to get all of this attention and sometimes you feel left out.  I hope when you're older you understand.

This fall I started you in soccer again, and this time I made it on a Sunday so I never have to miss even one game or practice like I did when I scheduled them for Saturdays.  I mistakenly thought it could be a bonding thing between you and your did and didn't realize it hurt your feelings that I could rarely come to your games.  With all my power I will make sure that never happens again.

Your reading has exploded.  You kept reading your dogman books this summer and I can't believe that one year ago you couldn't read yet.  How much you have grown. I hope you know how much I love you and always will.  I'm so proud of you and my eyes fill with tears thinking of how independent you are, not always because you wanted to be either, but because you had to be. 

This summer while in Pittsburgh we had kids come to visit and swim at the hotel pool.  One of them was named Ian and he is Ashlynn's age with apraxia and autism.  He told his mom weeks later
"Ian has these weird moments where he says very profound things outside of his typical language level lol. Today out of no where he was like “I feel like Ashlynn’s brother could be president” and I asked why and he said “because there was a lot of knowledge when he speaks, he is doing God’s will”. Which was just weird because we are not religious. I don’t think Ian has been to church and while I do talk about God, I don’t use words like that with him so it was just odd he said that to me especially since he’s never mentioned Jace before, so I asked if he was talking about someone who was speaking at the conference and he said yeah Ashlynn’s brother who got out of the pool first. Lol! So, Ian predicts Jace will be president haha!!"

I have a ton of guilt we aren't raising you guys super religious...especially since I absolutely believe in God and Jesus Christ.  Through my life I've come to discover individuals develop their own calling regardless of what their parents try to push on them, and us pushing something on you would only make you following your own calling more difficult.  Of high importance to me though is that you do DO God's will, which above all is treating others the way you want to be treated.  Showing compasssion, empthay, and love.  Using your gifts and talents to better this world and better humanity...and Jace..if you are meant to be president then you go for it.  I truly believe you can be anything you want to be in this life and that's not just a catchy phrase. 

The sky is the limit for you my son.  You have so many gifts.  You are blessed with school intelligence, you are good at video games, you're athletic, you can sing, you have ryhthm, you're a leader, you are wise.....what will you do my child?  I can't wait to see.
Love you,
Love Mommy

An athlete, a coder, and a sweetheart turn seven.

My little Jace,
I hope you know how much I love you!  This year the birthday celebrations lasted throughout summer!  You wanted a friends birthday party and wanted a nerf gun war party, so we had that in June hoping we would have better luck with people coming.  You had a blast zipping through the trees and winning for your team.

As June came to an end, your Star Wars bike that had a BALD back tire finally had it's last hurrah!  The back tire had popped, the chain kept coming off, and Pretzel had eaten your seat.  Disappointed to say the least, you looked at me and woefully said, "I'll wait for a new bike for Christmas.  I really want the Dash Robot."  Oh the dash robot!  You fell in love with this thing since you could play with it in STEM during your first grade year.  Grandpa and Grandma Smith and Aunt Dede and Uncle Mike decided to buy it for you, but you knew it was expensive and assumed it was all you could have for you birthday. 

Leading up to this, you had used your own money to buy the "dash launcher" on Amazon for $20.  You were convinced it was an accessory that came with the actual robot.  You would NOT take no for an answer.  We bought it and then realized after that you had only spent all your money to buy an accessory for a robot you could not afford.  Your tears were big and heavy that day and I felt bad as I hugged you through that hard lesson.  Two months later though your birthday was here and you knew Grandma Smith was going to buy it. Your excitement was palpable and your smile infectious.  Your eyes, windows to your soul were dancing and flickering with light.

A few days before this, I was able to buy you a brand new bike.  You got to go to the store special just you, me and daddy and pick out your bike. We went to two separate stores because your specifications were specific: mountain bike, brake handles, and gears. In the store I couldn't help but laugh because though I knew you were happy, you get so embarrassed you could only muster a quiet "yeah" when I asked you.  Other patrons stopped to comment and you would bashfully hide your head and your cheeks would turn red.  I would smile in recognition because I relate to you so much. Your thank you was in the sheer amount you have already ridden your bike!  At 7:00 AM, you meet the sunrise with the tires hitting the pavement and a smile on your face.

A few days after THIS, you went to Grandma Baskall's house where she gave you some early presents of green swim shoes and two tank tops!  You were over the moon because you only had ONE tank top and it was the one she gave you last year!  You told her that you FINALLY had more than one and they were your favorite summer shirts. 

Tomorrow, YOU, my favorite six year old on the planet,  officially turns seven.  Today is a Tuesday and is my longest day.  I worked for 11 hours and saw 16 kids.  When I got home late I realized I hadn't prepared your bday banner or hallway balloons...both a tradition since you were little.  I ran to the store and daddy helped me get everything just right.  Some may call me crazy...but my baby will never turn 7 ever again....and I sure wasn't going to miss it!!  The day you were born is a celebration of YOU, but it is one of the happiest days of my entire life!!!  One does not choose sleep over the anniversary of one of the happiest days of their life......

Jace Cody Smith, you make me so proud to be your mom!  I end this post on an even higher note!  A couple days ago, we went to the lake and daddy was stuck in "lake traffic!" I needed to park the jetski trailer and drop it, and then get you guys over to the swim beach.  I managed to find a parking spot and that's when you took over.  Like a pro you unhooked the chains, unfastened the cord, and then cranked the something that took the trailer off the hitch.  By the time daddy rolled up we were getting in the car ready to take off and I bragged that you took care of it. Daddy gave you high fives and everyone was on their way.  In the car after you said, "mommy, that's why I pay really close attention. So that if daddy isn't here, I can help you when you need it."   It made me cry.  Not sure what I did to deserve such thoughtfulness from a boy who has been on this Earth only almost seven years....but I'm so grateful.  Love you Jace.  Proud of you, and always will be.  I'm so grateful God trusted me to be your mom. 

Love,

Mommy

Please wake me up, PLEASE

Oh Jace.  This has been a really rough year for you in terms of illness. You had a nasty chest cold that accompanied a particularly resistant bout of strep that didn't respond to the first dose of antibiotics.

You are always trying to be so strong and so tough.  I don't know why you are like that because you have seen men be vulnerable and I have encouraged you to be vulnerable with me.  Maybe one day you will tell me.

This is the third day of another round of fevers and after your bath tonight you broke down and cried.  My heart was breaking as you said your "neck" hurt so bad and you didn't want to cough or be sick anymore. 

This year, March 2019 a "bomb cyclone blizzard" hit Colorado.  In some areas, wind speeds hit 100mph.  You didn't seem enough to merit a visit through that weather to the urgent care so we kept you home and you drank fluids and rested.

Tonight as you were crying, I told you...begged you...to come get me if you are feeling sick.  Last night I woke up at 3AM, possibly from you coughing or going to the bathroom and when I went to check on you with my tired and blind eyes that can't see I was searching your bed and you said sweetly, "hi mommy."

You were burning up with fever.  I ran to get a cold wash cloth and put it on your head while I went back to the kitchen and poured your medicine.  Oh Jace!  Why don't you come and get me?? 

I gave you medicine and you went back to bed.

Tonight as I put you to bed, I told you at least five times to wake me up if you are feeling sick.  It's okay.  I won't get mad.  I want you to!  You said you would unconvincingly.  I urged you more to keep hitting me if I don't wake up.  You nodded your head.

Ugh, I hate it when your sick.  I love you so much and with kids or anyone really who is sick it's impossible to know what is serious or routine.  I love you so much.  I pray extra hard on these days.  I love you little buddy. 
Love,
Mommy

Cancer: the crab

When I learned your horoscope sign was a cancer, also known as the crab, I smiled.  I call you crabby sometimes.  You are happy but you are moody.  

At parent teacher conference today, your first grade teacher told me you are "scrappy."  She said she is concerned about you anger and rage and that you scare other children and can be unkind.

You have developed a friend named Matthew in class who is precocious like you and also has an older sibling with special needs.  You two have been getting along well this year, and as fate would have it, I have become pretty good friends with his mom.  

Matthew has a bunch of girl crushes and girls who like him; but you have never mentioned having a crash on anyone. I asked you tonight if Matthew had any crushes and you smiled and told me who he loves and who acts "cookoo" around him.  I laughed.

We played a game of "Sorry" and I asked you if you liked anyone.  You said so honestly, "Not really.  I just really like Jessica." 

I wrote about you and Jessica almost exactly two years ago.

She is one year younger than you, and so currently she is in Kindergarten and you are in first grade.  Despite this, you still say hi to her grandmother and hug her when you get a chance when you see her.  

I decided to look up traits of a Cancer, and it says they are very loyal.  

Awe, my little buddy.  That is you.  You are going to be a good egg.  I just know it.  

Love you,

Love Mommy