Oh my little dude!  You caught wind my birthday was coming up and you have been busy "hiding" pictures you are making from me, and making me cards.

You are a complex human Jace, and I mean that in the best of ways.  You have a tough, rough and tumble exterior, but inside you are sensitive, thoughtful, and sweet.  You are always looking for approval and you are sensitive and sad when you think you don't have it.

You are in Kindergarten right now, and you have been rapidly developing some great skills.  You have recently learned how to color really nicely, and so the other day you got a coloring book and you colored a multitude of pictures that then you rolled up carefully and taped.  You put them in a shoe box and brought it to school and asked the teacher if you could pass them out to your friends.  Unfortunately for you,  the rule is if you have a gift you have to have one for everyone, but you were not deterred.  You came back home and starting diligently making more pictures.

A philanthropic heart will always serve you well Jace.  Even at times when you will seem crushed by it....even in moments when it will seem better to harden your heart and put up walls.......the essence you carry within you now is the true essence that will always serve you well.  I pray that life with all of its muddy experiences doesn't jade you from your true self.  You are sensitive and life will hurt you.  It will make you want to put up walls for protection....but the world needs more givers like you.  I hope you live a life you are proud of.  I hope you find a passion that feeds your soul and one that makes you not have to get up in the morning, but that you WANT to get up for in the morning.

I love you so much. You have so many natural talents and abilities.  You do.  Your worst adversary will always be yourself.  If you can overcome that, you will be unstoppable.

Please never stop loving.  Never stop giving.  Always do as Christ said and "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

I love you always.  You make my heart swell with pride. 

Love,
Mom

Weekend with Daddy and GREAT parent teacher conference

It's been hard on you Jace, I know.  Daddy being sick isn't easy for anyone.  I know how badly you have wished to have your dad back because I prayed and wished just as much too. 

This past weekend you got to spend the weekend on a boys trip with you dad in the mountains.  You guys skied, bowled, went to the arcade, played video games, went swimming, went to restaurants, and daddy bought you legos and you both built a bunch of legos together.

Your smile says it all. 

In school today we had your very first parent teacher conference and the teacher showed us how you are basically above in every subject!  I'm soooo proud of you!  She said  you are fun, outgoing, and a joy to have in class.  You're a good learner too. 

You told me before you left for the weekend that "daddy was feeling better."  I'm so glad you got to have this special time.  <3

Two goals at soccer!

Oh little dude, you begged me to get you into soccer, so I asked around and finally found a place you could go that still had room since I was late to the game!

You were totally stoked to get some shin guards, and a bonus is that Papa Smith can come to all of your games!

Today when I got home from work, Daddy told me you made TWO goals!!  You are amazing!!!  So talented already. ;)  Keep working hard little dude.  The sky is the limit!

First day of Kindergarten

Today was your first day of Kindergarten pal. I would like to say I cried like all the mothers mourning this next milestone in their child's life that is taking them one step further toward adulthood; but I did not.

It's not because I don't love you.  It's because I have mourned having a little you  your entire toddler years.  I think you quite possibly were born believing your were already a man. You want man toys. You do man things, like try and fix things and figure out how they work, and learn directions, and take care of your mom.  I couldn't have sheltered you or made you a mama's boy if I tried.   You were a ship born with sails.  The only thing that has ever held you back is that pesky thing called age.

When we walked past a Kindergarten teacher last week she said hi and called you by name.  Surprised she knew you, she said oh yes.  She called you, a "little man."  Hmm.  Do you see a theme?  She said she watched you the past two years bringing up the rear as Grandma Smith walked Ashlynn to school, and you had her keys, wallet, and phone in tow. 

I've felt bad you haven't had a playmate in the neighborhood in which we live.  Sometimes I think it might be my fault you don't really know how to make friends or get a long with them.  That changed today though when I could literally see the excitement dancing in your eyes and you talked about being silly eating lunch, finding a playing with old friends from highschool, and retelling the book that was read to you in class.  I've been worried you wouldn't have good behavior.  I was worried you would rage and get "hangry."  I realize though you love a challenge.  You are goal driven.  You love a new mountain to climb, or a new puzzle to figure out.  I know school will give you these things, and I truly believe you will thrive.

In your low moments someday, I want you to read this and know that you are unstoppable.  If you feel stuck, it is because you are your own worse enemy.  Jace Cody Smith was born to keep moving forward and never stop.  Failure is a necessary step toward success, for anyone who never failed never truly tried anything new.

Harnessing you has always been my biggest challenge, and I imagine it won't change when you are an adult.  You are going to have to find a way to harness your energy, your inquisitiveness, your ingenuity, and turn it into something great. If you can do this, you will be unstoppable.

More importantly though, I posted your pictures on facebook as any proud mom would, and I followed up with this: If you see someone alone, be the one to reach out to them and talk or play with them.  You may have been born with sails, but others need more nudging to get on the ship.  That doesn't mean though, that anyone wants to be alone. 
I hope you always stay true to your good heart.  You have empathy for others and the world needs more kind people, just as much as they need smart people like you.  Lucky for you, you can be both. 

Love,
Mom

Weeeeee.....Weeeeee...THIS IS THE BEST...DAY....EVER!!!

Today our friends the Powers took us to Lakeside amusement park.  You are able to ride a bunch of different rides this year because you are finally tall enough!  You're still a pretty short little dude for 5, but daddy says he was the same way and so I know you're going to grow up to be a big tall man like him.

Anyway, we started in Kiddie Land.  Your favorite ride was the roller coaster.  No fear you chose the front seat each time with your arms up!

This pic doesn't do it justice, but you were ALL hands up look at me!

Then you went on the BIG, OLD wooden roller coaster with daddy.  Linda took this picture and I could not believe my only four year old baby was in the front row of this roller coaster owning it like a boss!  Damn Jace.  You are one cool little dude.  You're going to lead me to an early grave because of all my worry, but you are so awesome.

You're right in front with daddy!

Father's Day 2017

Father's Day is in two days, and you are almost five.  Your dad was hospitalized again last month, but this time you took everything in stride because he did talk to you everyday.

Since he's been back, he hasn't been himself.  You're just too young to understand, but you feel his rejection.  I know you want approval, he's just to depressed to even approve of himself. 

So this Father's Day, you have gone all out.  Kid, you are seriously impressive.  We went camping a week before Father's Day and we went into a gas station.  You spotted an LED light keychain and a guitar keychain and you begged me to buy it for you so you could give it to him.  I told you that you had to keep a secret, and you solemnly vowed to obey.

And you did.  You hid it in the trailer that entire weekend.  Then you put in a safe place in your room when we got home.  During the course of the week, you added personal cards you made, with some of the best pictures I have ever seen you draw and said you took your time and tried really hard because you love you dad your so much.  
Last night you had your secret box out to show me all the treasures you had gathered for your dad.  He came in unexpectedly and I told you, "hurry, daddy is here."  The look on your face was urgent and your intent was clear.  You wanted this to be a special surprise and you did not want to spoil it.  You managed to pack everything up back in your box and it disappeared back into your room.

You didn't stop there though.  You took legos this morning from his old lego toy box and made a race car.  You poured over the details telling me about where the engine was etc.  You told me you hoped Daddy would like it. 

Oh Jace, he loves you.  He will like it. He will LOVE it.   He's having a hard time right now pal.  I hope one day you will understand and not hold it against him.

Today it was time to wrap the presents, and you had to do it yourself.  There is a ton of tape but it was all taped with love.  You wanted it to be perfect.  "I hope daddy is happy now" you said hopefully. 

We're thankful for our dad

"Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be." Cody was up skiing this weekend. Tonight he is back and at dinner Jace blessed the food and thanked Jesus for his dad and now he is literally following him mow the lawn. 

I posted this on facebook tonight.  You are almost five. Cody left for the weekend to snowboard and you clearly missed him. 

I'm proud of you Jace.  You have a good dad.  He's a wonderful and loving husband, great family man, caring father, and always feels like he's not doing or being enough for you.  I hope you always know his love for you and carry it with you through life.
I pos😍❤️👨‍👦