It's not because I don't love you. It's because I have mourned having a little you your entire toddler years. I think you quite possibly were born believing your were already a man. You want man toys. You do man things, like try and fix things and figure out how they work, and learn directions, and take care of your mom. I couldn't have sheltered you or made you a mama's boy if I tried. You were a ship born with sails. The only thing that has ever held you back is that pesky thing called age.
When we walked past a Kindergarten teacher last week she said hi and called you by name. Surprised she knew you, she said oh yes. She called you, a "little man." Hmm. Do you see a theme? She said she watched you the past two years bringing up the rear as Grandma Smith walked Ashlynn to school, and you had her keys, wallet, and phone in tow.
I've felt bad you haven't had a playmate in the neighborhood in which we live. Sometimes I think it might be my fault you don't really know how to make friends or get a long with them. That changed today though when I could literally see the excitement dancing in your eyes and you talked about being silly eating lunch, finding a playing with old friends from highschool, and retelling the book that was read to you in class. I've been worried you wouldn't have good behavior. I was worried you would rage and get "hangry." I realize though you love a challenge. You are goal driven. You love a new mountain to climb, or a new puzzle to figure out. I know school will give you these things, and I truly believe you will thrive.
In your low moments someday, I want you to read this and know that you are unstoppable. If you feel stuck, it is because you are your own worse enemy. Jace Cody Smith was born to keep moving forward and never stop. Failure is a necessary step toward success, for anyone who never failed never truly tried anything new.
Harnessing you has always been my biggest challenge, and I imagine it won't change when you are an adult. You are going to have to find a way to harness your energy, your inquisitiveness, your ingenuity, and turn it into something great. If you can do this, you will be unstoppable.
More importantly though, I posted your pictures on facebook as any proud mom would, and I followed up with this: If you see someone alone, be the one to reach out to them and talk or play with them. You may have been born with sails, but others need more nudging to get on the ship. That doesn't mean though, that anyone wants to be alone.
I hope you always stay true to your good heart. You have empathy for others and the world needs more kind people, just as much as they need smart people like you. Lucky for you, you can be both.
Love,
Mom
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