First day of Kindergarten

Today was your first day of Kindergarten pal. I would like to say I cried like all the mothers mourning this next milestone in their child's life that is taking them one step further toward adulthood; but I did not.

It's not because I don't love you.  It's because I have mourned having a little you  your entire toddler years.  I think you quite possibly were born believing your were already a man. You want man toys. You do man things, like try and fix things and figure out how they work, and learn directions, and take care of your mom.  I couldn't have sheltered you or made you a mama's boy if I tried.   You were a ship born with sails.  The only thing that has ever held you back is that pesky thing called age.

When we walked past a Kindergarten teacher last week she said hi and called you by name.  Surprised she knew you, she said oh yes.  She called you, a "little man."  Hmm.  Do you see a theme?  She said she watched you the past two years bringing up the rear as Grandma Smith walked Ashlynn to school, and you had her keys, wallet, and phone in tow. 

I've felt bad you haven't had a playmate in the neighborhood in which we live.  Sometimes I think it might be my fault you don't really know how to make friends or get a long with them.  That changed today though when I could literally see the excitement dancing in your eyes and you talked about being silly eating lunch, finding a playing with old friends from highschool, and retelling the book that was read to you in class.  I've been worried you wouldn't have good behavior.  I was worried you would rage and get "hangry."  I realize though you love a challenge.  You are goal driven.  You love a new mountain to climb, or a new puzzle to figure out.  I know school will give you these things, and I truly believe you will thrive.

In your low moments someday, I want you to read this and know that you are unstoppable.  If you feel stuck, it is because you are your own worse enemy.  Jace Cody Smith was born to keep moving forward and never stop.  Failure is a necessary step toward success, for anyone who never failed never truly tried anything new.

Harnessing you has always been my biggest challenge, and I imagine it won't change when you are an adult.  You are going to have to find a way to harness your energy, your inquisitiveness, your ingenuity, and turn it into something great. If you can do this, you will be unstoppable.

More importantly though, I posted your pictures on facebook as any proud mom would, and I followed up with this: If you see someone alone, be the one to reach out to them and talk or play with them.  You may have been born with sails, but others need more nudging to get on the ship.  That doesn't mean though, that anyone wants to be alone. 
I hope you always stay true to your good heart.  You have empathy for others and the world needs more kind people, just as much as they need smart people like you.  Lucky for you, you can be both. 

Love,
Mom

Weeeeee.....Weeeeee...THIS IS THE BEST...DAY....EVER!!!

Today our friends the Powers took us to Lakeside amusement park.  You are able to ride a bunch of different rides this year because you are finally tall enough!  You're still a pretty short little dude for 5, but daddy says he was the same way and so I know you're going to grow up to be a big tall man like him.

Anyway, we started in Kiddie Land.  Your favorite ride was the roller coaster.  No fear you chose the front seat each time with your arms up!

This pic doesn't do it justice, but you were ALL hands up look at me!

Then you went on the BIG, OLD wooden roller coaster with daddy.  Linda took this picture and I could not believe my only four year old baby was in the front row of this roller coaster owning it like a boss!  Damn Jace.  You are one cool little dude.  You're going to lead me to an early grave because of all my worry, but you are so awesome.

You're right in front with daddy!

Father's Day 2017

Father's Day is in two days, and you are almost five.  Your dad was hospitalized again last month, but this time you took everything in stride because he did talk to you everyday.

Since he's been back, he hasn't been himself.  You're just too young to understand, but you feel his rejection.  I know you want approval, he's just to depressed to even approve of himself. 

So this Father's Day, you have gone all out.  Kid, you are seriously impressive.  We went camping a week before Father's Day and we went into a gas station.  You spotted an LED light keychain and a guitar keychain and you begged me to buy it for you so you could give it to him.  I told you that you had to keep a secret, and you solemnly vowed to obey.

And you did.  You hid it in the trailer that entire weekend.  Then you put in a safe place in your room when we got home.  During the course of the week, you added personal cards you made, with some of the best pictures I have ever seen you draw and said you took your time and tried really hard because you love you dad your so much.  
Last night you had your secret box out to show me all the treasures you had gathered for your dad.  He came in unexpectedly and I told you, "hurry, daddy is here."  The look on your face was urgent and your intent was clear.  You wanted this to be a special surprise and you did not want to spoil it.  You managed to pack everything up back in your box and it disappeared back into your room.

You didn't stop there though.  You took legos this morning from his old lego toy box and made a race car.  You poured over the details telling me about where the engine was etc.  You told me you hoped Daddy would like it. 

Oh Jace, he loves you.  He will like it. He will LOVE it.   He's having a hard time right now pal.  I hope one day you will understand and not hold it against him.

Today it was time to wrap the presents, and you had to do it yourself.  There is a ton of tape but it was all taped with love.  You wanted it to be perfect.  "I hope daddy is happy now" you said hopefully. 

We're thankful for our dad

"Your children will become who you are; so be who you want them to be." Cody was up skiing this weekend. Tonight he is back and at dinner Jace blessed the food and thanked Jesus for his dad and now he is literally following him mow the lawn. 

I posted this on facebook tonight.  You are almost five. Cody left for the weekend to snowboard and you clearly missed him. 

I'm proud of you Jace.  You have a good dad.  He's a wonderful and loving husband, great family man, caring father, and always feels like he's not doing or being enough for you.  I hope you always know his love for you and carry it with you through life.
I pos😍❤️👨‍👦

A girlfriend, a kiss, and you're only 4!!

You're only four, and you have a girlfriend in preschool.  The teacher told me at conferences you two are basically a couple.

Over Spring Break you took out her Christmas card picture she gave you and hopped on the couch looking longingly at it.  You hung your head and I asked you what was wrong.

"Oh, I just really miss Jessica," you said sadly.  "I wish I could call her."

You found some numbers (2016) on the bottom of the card and tried to dial them into my phone.  When it didn't call her you lamented more!  

Then today as we were leaving school, Jessica called out to you to wait up because she wanted to hug you.  You stopped and gave her a big hug, and then kissed her on the cheek!  Ack! Jace!!  You're only four!!  I wanted to scold you, but I didn't.  Anytime you show love and affection I am happy.  It's so much better than the alternative.  Love you little dude.

I'm ready for Kindergarten because I've been in preK for a 100 years!

Jace!  Dynamite! Energizer bunny!

Your mind is always working!  The wheels are always turning! Jace you are an engineer, but more than that, you are an inventor.  You have a curious mind.  A beautiful mind.  A mind that seeks truth, that seeks understanding, that seeks to figure out how things work.

You went to the museum today on a field trip with Grandma.  The main point was to look at dinosaurs and the planets, units of study in preschool, but your happiest pictures are when you are engaged in an experiment or figuring out how things work.

These pictures are at a water station.  I just wonder what your brain was thinking.

Your best exhibit though, was apparently the "gears."  You told me about them on the phone, you told me about them when I got home from work, and then Grandma sent me the pic and told me you could have stayed there forever and you had it all figured out.

You're an amazing boy Jace.  Your temper and anger sometimes scare me, and I worry I won't be able to help you channel your brilliance into an outlet that suits you, but I promise I will try.  

You're a good boy Jace.  You have a good heart.  When I come home you give me at least 20 kisses on my cheek to let me know how loved and missed I was.  At four, I think it's hard for a child to make their parent feel special, but you make me feel that way, and that is a special gift.

Jace the sky is the limit for you.  The only thing that I see getting in your way is you.  I know that because you remind me of me.  I was my worst enemy.  Believe in yourself Jace.  Give yourself permission to make mistakes because you realize making mistakes is how you learn and adjust.  

If you can do that, you can and will literally be anything and anyone your heart desires.  Just don't forget to kiss me hello and goodbye.  

Love, 

Mom

Rocky road with sun overhead

Today my sister, Aunt Kris, picked you guys up from school since Grandma Smith had to work.  You were first watched by a teacher Ms. Dean.  I showed you her name plate and then you guys went to her office.

While I was in a meeting, she had her older son take you to run an errand.  30 seconds later she reported you were back without her older son.  When asked where he was you pointed to her name and said, "It's okay.  I navigated back to my destination."  Her and the nurse were in there at the time and they couldn't help but laugh at your fearlessness and vocabulary!

Then today, Kris said she had you in the backseat which was kind of messy.  When you were done with your happy meal you just threw the trash in the backseat.  When she asked why you threw it back there you replied you thought there was a trash can back there.  When she said no and please give it back, you answered, "Kris, I don't have eyes on my fingers and I can't see where it went."  

LOL

Oh, and then at one point she was driving back to school to get Ashlynn and she turned on a wrong road.  That's when she hears from the backseat in an exasperated voice, "Aunt Kris!!  I told you to go straight!!"

Love you little man.  You crack us up.