Thanksgiving tummy sickness 2023

 I cannot believe I never wrote about earlier, but Thanksgiving 2023 was quite BRUTAL in the Smith household. 

Me and you got sick on the SAME day which happened to be THANKSGIVING eve-to day.  Though the stomach flu SERIOUSLY sucks, we were sick together, and hung out in The Last Stand watching The Little Mermaid and Aladdin while we took turns going to the bathroom for upper or downstairs issues. 

I'll never forget hating to be sick, but having a buddy to hand out with me over night during it keeping me company and I know you felt the same.  I felt so bad when you would cry "ohhhh this hurts so bad" and all I could say was "I know buddy, my tummy is hurting me to and I'm so sorry."

Having the stomach flu is TERRIBLE, but somehow having it with you made it BEARABLE.  

I'll always love you Jace Jace.  Your soul makes me happy, even when I have the flu...and I hope mine does the same for you. 

Love,

Mom

Mr. Straight A's

 It was your first year of middle school and your first time being exposed to the letter grading system. Once you learned A meant "the best" you had a mission to make sure you received straight A's.  Daddy likes to joke he doesn't know where you got that from but um.....I do. haha

You ended your sixth grade year with straight A's.  It wasn't easy. You had to WORK and honestly sacrifice play time and fun, but you DID IT. I always want you to remember this lesson that no MATTER WHAT you put your mind to, if it was a goal or dream, it was given to your for a reason and that was for YOU to see it through.

I'm always in awe of you.  I love being your mom and watching you grow.  Love you Jace, Jace. So much. 

Love,

Mom

Having an Apraxia sister is hard

We are in the middle of a pandemic called COVID 19.  History books will write of it, and you will have remembered living it.

The Corona Virus - or COVID 19 put the world to a stand still.  Never before in the history of my lifetime or even your grandparents lifetime had the world come to stop as it did in 2020.

Everything you could imagine was cancelled.  Basketball. Swimming.  School. Church!! When I was a child church was never cancelled. It was a phenomenom never before seen.

You're Aunt Kris is a certified teacher and we were beyond blessed to have her teach you while me and daddy worked.  I had a schedule full of remedial skills to ensure you wouldn't regress; however Kris tweeked the schedule and provided quality instruction that helped you learn.

Even so...in the midst of it, you and Ashlynn were rough housing.  I told you to stop multiple times as I was worried someone would get hurt. On this particular day you two were rough housing normally but Ashlynn ended up flipped over from the couch slamming her head on the tile.  After telling you two calmly and numerously to not fight my patience flew out the window and I snapped at Jace, "What is wrong with you??? Go to your room!!"

As he ran to his room he cried, "I'm sorry Ashlynn!."

Ashlynn was wailing.  I was scared. She doesn't cry over physical pain.  She doesn't.  For her to be crying I was extra worried she was even extra hurt.

After tending to Ashlynn I went to Jace's room and apologized for yelling.  I said I knew it was an accident and that he didn't mean to hurt her.  He explained she had done the same thing to him and he didn't fall.  I reminded him Ashlynn has OT and PT for a reason.  That's when he said it.

"Having an apraxia sister is hard."

He didn't say it with contempt.  He didn't say it with anger.  He said it matter of fact with a tinge of sadness. 

I didn't know what to do but to validate him and hug him.  I told him I knew it was hard, and I was sorry. It's hard for her too having all of her disabilities.

And that was that.  He left and went back to playing.

A heart of a lion and of gold

 You're going into 7th grade this year Jace! You're getting so grown up and I'm seeing more of your personal values and work ethic shine through.  It's so fun to see the person that you are becoming, but also the person who you ARE. 

You are VERY aware of adult things now. You're curious and have a lot of questions and observations.

I'm sorry I don't blog about you as much, but trust me I make sure to share your stories with family.  I decided to go through my text messages and pull snippets of this last year. 

2022 was a pretty hard year because Daddy had one of the worst manic episodes he's ever had.  I hope and believe you know that's not really daddy, but he did break your heart during this one.  You even said those exact words to your friends one day.  It's important to be understanding of mental illness, but even more important to know you can love and have empathy for someone but do so with STRONG boundaries that still protect you.  I was forced to do that by taking out a protection order and having police ban him from our house until he got help. 

During this time, the police escorted him to pick up some things and I wrote
2-22-23

"When Cody came with the police escort to pick up more stuff he completely unplugged the internet.  Our internet is more complicated than just one modem because we need it to be fast to work for both of our jobs telehealth wise if needed at the same time. 

Our neighbor is a man named Nester who works for Century Link.  During this episode Cody called him over to figure this out and Nester set ups this top modem called EERO that feeds into the modem on the bottom. Jace re-hooked EVERYTHING back up and when I asked him how he did it he said, "well unlike dad I actually listened to everything Nester said." haha and that is ONE snippet of what it's like raising our father."

In one text thread to Jeff and Kris, I titled it "Adventure in raising a Baskall."
4-16-2023
My tire got a flat and luckily I was with Cody this weekend at a hotel so put on the spare but in the process Jace learned how to check tire pressure with the tire pressure took and was literally enamored.  He smiled at it and told me wow, I just really like this tool!  I was like, "oh buddy, what kind of DNA was woven into your blood?"  And he still smiled was like no, it's just really great because you don't have to rely on electronics which can fail or might be wrong....which only made me laugh more!  Dad I don't know if you can see it, but it's literally like talking to a 4ft version of you sometimes."

6-14-24

I love you dad.  I'm the "crazy" person now I once thought you were it makes me so happy I can talk about these things with you. So many people are alone and have no one who understand, but I have YOU and I never feel alone in being "awake." Jace is currently telling a friend on his video game that his mom has an "off" day and is obsessed with conspiracies. haha. Give it 40 years...he'll be on board."

Dad "What can I say!"

Me: You don't have to say anything. Just know there's a piece of you in everything I do.  Love you.

7-15-24
Had a conversation with Jace tonight with suggestions from Miranda....not just about Ash but Cody.  Last night, they were playing Magic and Jace told Cody that when he was sick, Cody told him to sort the cards in a weird way that didn't make sense.....and Cody looked up at Jace pained visibly, and said, "I don't remember saying that to you, but I'm so sorry I did and I'm even sorrier you remember it."L

Jace we had a talk about the word "stigma" and what disability is and h ow honestly most people on my bipolar TikTok don't hold a job because they are on disability.  You asked me what that meant which lead to me talking about Ashlynn and Matthew and people with developmental disabilities and me telling you at some point if I'm ever never able to care for Ash she'll have to go to a home....and this resolve came over your face as you asked "What? What do you mean?  Like a nursing home?" And I said, "yes, but for like people with disabilities." 

Do you know what you said? You said, "NO. That will NEVER happen on my watch."  I explained it wasn't your responsibility to take on and as I did so you kept shaking your head until you could speak and said, "No. That's MY sister. I will NEVER let that happen to her on my watch."

I was so impressed by you. Just newly 12 years old understanding adult issues of our time. I do want you to know though, even if you never take on Ashlynn for WHATEVER reason, it truly was NOT your responsibility and you should never feel guilty for any decision you might have had to make.

7-24-24

Pretzel is in heat and Dune is crazy to say the least. I wrote this to my mom and dad, "Pretzel is in heat and Dunie is so crazy he's literally not eating. It's bad.  Jace knows he's "girl crazy" and gets the jist...but he told me today I think he's just girls crazy and wants to save the food for Pretzel.  His heart is so sweet. That's always how you were dad! You checked once and then twice and then three times to make sure we got the second helpings etc if wanted it before you."

Dad: "He will be a good man!"

Me: "Just like you dad.  Love you"

Middle school - growing up

Hi Jace.  You're 11 years old. Wahhhhh.  You're so young, yet so old and wise. You truly are an old soul. It's so fun to be your mom.  

You started 6th grade this year!  You're at the same school as Ashlynn, Infinity Middle School. We live at The Last Stand at the end of Alamo Avenue in our cul de sac, and it's literally the best.  You're best friend is Alex who lives in Toll Gate Crossing. 

Mostly, the start of middle school has been going great. You are happy, excited, and ready to tackle the world.  However, on the first day of the second week of school, you came to me stressed and overwhelmed about and elective called AVID.  You explained it was a college prep course from your understanding and the expectations were so hard that it was just a class of stress and anxiety, anxiety and stress, stress stress.  You wanted to know if you could switch classes because you thought this was going to be a cool career class, and instead this was just crazy.

I told you I would call the teacher and find out what was going on.  She explained it was a class designed to teach organizational and executive functioning skills to students to last well INTO their college years, and maybe that is where he became confused.  I told her he was worried he signed a "CONTRACT" because if he accidentally broke it because he's not ready for the demands of the class he was freaking out he would get in trouble." She said the contract seems very serious but it was not intended to mean he can never break it because the whole class is about learning.

I decided after speaking to her this would indeed be a GREAT class for you Jace. When I told you, you were well, less than happy. You freaked out and panicked.  I told you the teacher would talk to you tomorrow and we would all figure it out together and figure out how to make you successful. 

The very next day you came to me and explained your homeroom teacher had been talking about a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset, and you had recognized you were having a fixed mindset in AVID.  Words cannot explain my pride in you.