Please wake me up, PLEASE

Oh Jace.  This has been a really rough year for you in terms of illness. You had a nasty chest cold that accompanied a particularly resistant bout of strep that didn't respond to the first dose of antibiotics.

You are always trying to be so strong and so tough.  I don't know why you are like that because you have seen men be vulnerable and I have encouraged you to be vulnerable with me.  Maybe one day you will tell me.

This is the third day of another round of fevers and after your bath tonight you broke down and cried.  My heart was breaking as you said your "neck" hurt so bad and you didn't want to cough or be sick anymore. 

This year, March 2019 a "bomb cyclone blizzard" hit Colorado.  In some areas, wind speeds hit 100mph.  You didn't seem enough to merit a visit through that weather to the urgent care so we kept you home and you drank fluids and rested.

Tonight as you were crying, I told you...begged you...to come get me if you are feeling sick.  Last night I woke up at 3AM, possibly from you coughing or going to the bathroom and when I went to check on you with my tired and blind eyes that can't see I was searching your bed and you said sweetly, "hi mommy."

You were burning up with fever.  I ran to get a cold wash cloth and put it on your head while I went back to the kitchen and poured your medicine.  Oh Jace!  Why don't you come and get me?? 

I gave you medicine and you went back to bed.

Tonight as I put you to bed, I told you at least five times to wake me up if you are feeling sick.  It's okay.  I won't get mad.  I want you to!  You said you would unconvincingly.  I urged you more to keep hitting me if I don't wake up.  You nodded your head.

Ugh, I hate it when your sick.  I love you so much and with kids or anyone really who is sick it's impossible to know what is serious or routine.  I love you so much.  I pray extra hard on these days.  I love you little buddy. 
Love,
Mommy

Cancer: the crab

When I learned your horoscope sign was a cancer, also known as the crab, I smiled.  I call you crabby sometimes.  You are happy but you are moody.  

At parent teacher conference today, your first grade teacher told me you are "scrappy."  She said she is concerned about you anger and rage and that you scare other children and can be unkind.

You have developed a friend named Matthew in class who is precocious like you and also has an older sibling with special needs.  You two have been getting along well this year, and as fate would have it, I have become pretty good friends with his mom.  

Matthew has a bunch of girl crushes and girls who like him; but you have never mentioned having a crash on anyone. I asked you tonight if Matthew had any crushes and you smiled and told me who he loves and who acts "cookoo" around him.  I laughed.

We played a game of "Sorry" and I asked you if you liked anyone.  You said so honestly, "Not really.  I just really like Jessica." 

I wrote about you and Jessica almost exactly two years ago.

She is one year younger than you, and so currently she is in Kindergarten and you are in first grade.  Despite this, you still say hi to her grandmother and hug her when you get a chance when you see her.  

I decided to look up traits of a Cancer, and it says they are very loyal.  

Awe, my little buddy.  That is you.  You are going to be a good egg.  I just know it.  

Love you,

Love Mommy