Summer of 2019 memories

Tonight you are excitedly anticipating going back to school to start second grade.  Brimming with excitment you ran around the house telling me how you couldn't wait.  You also asked me to make Ham and Cheese casserole so you could take it for lunch.  You told me it was your favorite, so after Daddy cooked an amazing steak dinner I cleaned up and made you the casserole.  Standing in the kitchen, you were looking at our fridge and all the magnets from our trips this summer.  From a parental standpoint, it wasn't to any amazing destination.  We went to Pittsburgh on a family trip because that is where the apraxia conference was, but you honestly had the best time.  You absolutely fell in love with the amusement park KennyWood there and of course we were able to have a lot of quality family time.

The first part of the summer was filled with Adam's Camp awesomeness and our traditional Glendo vacation. In all honestly, the summer flew by.  I can barely believe 2 1/2 months have passed and now I am sending you on to second grade.

This year, I think you have gotten a better understanding of Ashlynn's difficulties.  She spoke at the apraxia conference and you told me after with a confused voice that it kinda made you almost cry.  I'm sorry life is so hard for you Jace.  I'm sorry Ashlynn seems to get all of this attention and sometimes you feel left out.  I hope when you're older you understand.

This fall I started you in soccer again, and this time I made it on a Sunday so I never have to miss even one game or practice like I did when I scheduled them for Saturdays.  I mistakenly thought it could be a bonding thing between you and your did and didn't realize it hurt your feelings that I could rarely come to your games.  With all my power I will make sure that never happens again.

Your reading has exploded.  You kept reading your dogman books this summer and I can't believe that one year ago you couldn't read yet.  How much you have grown. I hope you know how much I love you and always will.  I'm so proud of you and my eyes fill with tears thinking of how independent you are, not always because you wanted to be either, but because you had to be. 

This summer while in Pittsburgh we had kids come to visit and swim at the hotel pool.  One of them was named Ian and he is Ashlynn's age with apraxia and autism.  He told his mom weeks later
"Ian has these weird moments where he says very profound things outside of his typical language level lol. Today out of no where he was like “I feel like Ashlynn’s brother could be president” and I asked why and he said “because there was a lot of knowledge when he speaks, he is doing God’s will”. Which was just weird because we are not religious. I don’t think Ian has been to church and while I do talk about God, I don’t use words like that with him so it was just odd he said that to me especially since he’s never mentioned Jace before, so I asked if he was talking about someone who was speaking at the conference and he said yeah Ashlynn’s brother who got out of the pool first. Lol! So, Ian predicts Jace will be president haha!!"

I have a ton of guilt we aren't raising you guys super religious...especially since I absolutely believe in God and Jesus Christ.  Through my life I've come to discover individuals develop their own calling regardless of what their parents try to push on them, and us pushing something on you would only make you following your own calling more difficult.  Of high importance to me though is that you do DO God's will, which above all is treating others the way you want to be treated.  Showing compasssion, empthay, and love.  Using your gifts and talents to better this world and better humanity...and Jace..if you are meant to be president then you go for it.  I truly believe you can be anything you want to be in this life and that's not just a catchy phrase. 

The sky is the limit for you my son.  You have so many gifts.  You are blessed with school intelligence, you are good at video games, you're athletic, you can sing, you have ryhthm, you're a leader, you are wise.....what will you do my child?  I can't wait to see.
Love you,
Love Mommy

An athlete, a coder, and a sweetheart turn seven.

My little Jace,
I hope you know how much I love you!  This year the birthday celebrations lasted throughout summer!  You wanted a friends birthday party and wanted a nerf gun war party, so we had that in June hoping we would have better luck with people coming.  You had a blast zipping through the trees and winning for your team.

As June came to an end, your Star Wars bike that had a BALD back tire finally had it's last hurrah!  The back tire had popped, the chain kept coming off, and Pretzel had eaten your seat.  Disappointed to say the least, you looked at me and woefully said, "I'll wait for a new bike for Christmas.  I really want the Dash Robot."  Oh the dash robot!  You fell in love with this thing since you could play with it in STEM during your first grade year.  Grandpa and Grandma Smith and Aunt Dede and Uncle Mike decided to buy it for you, but you knew it was expensive and assumed it was all you could have for you birthday. 

Leading up to this, you had used your own money to buy the "dash launcher" on Amazon for $20.  You were convinced it was an accessory that came with the actual robot.  You would NOT take no for an answer.  We bought it and then realized after that you had only spent all your money to buy an accessory for a robot you could not afford.  Your tears were big and heavy that day and I felt bad as I hugged you through that hard lesson.  Two months later though your birthday was here and you knew Grandma Smith was going to buy it. Your excitement was palpable and your smile infectious.  Your eyes, windows to your soul were dancing and flickering with light.

A few days before this, I was able to buy you a brand new bike.  You got to go to the store special just you, me and daddy and pick out your bike. We went to two separate stores because your specifications were specific: mountain bike, brake handles, and gears. In the store I couldn't help but laugh because though I knew you were happy, you get so embarrassed you could only muster a quiet "yeah" when I asked you.  Other patrons stopped to comment and you would bashfully hide your head and your cheeks would turn red.  I would smile in recognition because I relate to you so much. Your thank you was in the sheer amount you have already ridden your bike!  At 7:00 AM, you meet the sunrise with the tires hitting the pavement and a smile on your face.

A few days after THIS, you went to Grandma Baskall's house where she gave you some early presents of green swim shoes and two tank tops!  You were over the moon because you only had ONE tank top and it was the one she gave you last year!  You told her that you FINALLY had more than one and they were your favorite summer shirts. 

Tomorrow, YOU, my favorite six year old on the planet,  officially turns seven.  Today is a Tuesday and is my longest day.  I worked for 11 hours and saw 16 kids.  When I got home late I realized I hadn't prepared your bday banner or hallway balloons...both a tradition since you were little.  I ran to the store and daddy helped me get everything just right.  Some may call me crazy...but my baby will never turn 7 ever again....and I sure wasn't going to miss it!!  The day you were born is a celebration of YOU, but it is one of the happiest days of my entire life!!!  One does not choose sleep over the anniversary of one of the happiest days of their life......

Jace Cody Smith, you make me so proud to be your mom!  I end this post on an even higher note!  A couple days ago, we went to the lake and daddy was stuck in "lake traffic!" I needed to park the jetski trailer and drop it, and then get you guys over to the swim beach.  I managed to find a parking spot and that's when you took over.  Like a pro you unhooked the chains, unfastened the cord, and then cranked the something that took the trailer off the hitch.  By the time daddy rolled up we were getting in the car ready to take off and I bragged that you took care of it. Daddy gave you high fives and everyone was on their way.  In the car after you said, "mommy, that's why I pay really close attention. So that if daddy isn't here, I can help you when you need it."   It made me cry.  Not sure what I did to deserve such thoughtfulness from a boy who has been on this Earth only almost seven years....but I'm so grateful.  Love you Jace.  Proud of you, and always will be.  I'm so grateful God trusted me to be your mom. 

Love,

Mommy

Please wake me up, PLEASE

Oh Jace.  This has been a really rough year for you in terms of illness. You had a nasty chest cold that accompanied a particularly resistant bout of strep that didn't respond to the first dose of antibiotics.

You are always trying to be so strong and so tough.  I don't know why you are like that because you have seen men be vulnerable and I have encouraged you to be vulnerable with me.  Maybe one day you will tell me.

This is the third day of another round of fevers and after your bath tonight you broke down and cried.  My heart was breaking as you said your "neck" hurt so bad and you didn't want to cough or be sick anymore. 

This year, March 2019 a "bomb cyclone blizzard" hit Colorado.  In some areas, wind speeds hit 100mph.  You didn't seem enough to merit a visit through that weather to the urgent care so we kept you home and you drank fluids and rested.

Tonight as you were crying, I told you...begged you...to come get me if you are feeling sick.  Last night I woke up at 3AM, possibly from you coughing or going to the bathroom and when I went to check on you with my tired and blind eyes that can't see I was searching your bed and you said sweetly, "hi mommy."

You were burning up with fever.  I ran to get a cold wash cloth and put it on your head while I went back to the kitchen and poured your medicine.  Oh Jace!  Why don't you come and get me?? 

I gave you medicine and you went back to bed.

Tonight as I put you to bed, I told you at least five times to wake me up if you are feeling sick.  It's okay.  I won't get mad.  I want you to!  You said you would unconvincingly.  I urged you more to keep hitting me if I don't wake up.  You nodded your head.

Ugh, I hate it when your sick.  I love you so much and with kids or anyone really who is sick it's impossible to know what is serious or routine.  I love you so much.  I pray extra hard on these days.  I love you little buddy. 
Love,
Mommy

Cancer: the crab

When I learned your horoscope sign was a cancer, also known as the crab, I smiled.  I call you crabby sometimes.  You are happy but you are moody.  

At parent teacher conference today, your first grade teacher told me you are "scrappy."  She said she is concerned about you anger and rage and that you scare other children and can be unkind.

You have developed a friend named Matthew in class who is precocious like you and also has an older sibling with special needs.  You two have been getting along well this year, and as fate would have it, I have become pretty good friends with his mom.  

Matthew has a bunch of girl crushes and girls who like him; but you have never mentioned having a crash on anyone. I asked you tonight if Matthew had any crushes and you smiled and told me who he loves and who acts "cookoo" around him.  I laughed.

We played a game of "Sorry" and I asked you if you liked anyone.  You said so honestly, "Not really.  I just really like Jessica." 

I wrote about you and Jessica almost exactly two years ago.

She is one year younger than you, and so currently she is in Kindergarten and you are in first grade.  Despite this, you still say hi to her grandmother and hug her when you get a chance when you see her.  

I decided to look up traits of a Cancer, and it says they are very loyal.  

Awe, my little buddy.  That is you.  You are going to be a good egg.  I just know it.  

Love you,

Love Mommy

My little caretaker

This Winter of 2018-2019 was brutal for me!  I got a chest cold from you and Ashlynn that quickly took a dark turn into bronchitis.  Thinking there was nothing doctors could do, I tried to power through on only DayQuil, only to feel more fatigued and exhausted as the weeks went on.  I have never been so sick for so long.  I felt so bad coming home and just going to bed.  I know you and Ashlynn missed me, but there was nothing I could do.  I was hurting with a pounding headache and fever at the end of most days. 

At the end of the second week, after going out in the cold to Target trying to get Ashlynn ready for the Daddy/daughter dance, I had a coughing attack that sent spasms through my entire chest that I could not stop.  I decided while her and daddy went to the dance, I had to go to Urgent Care.  You initially whined and complained.  Why did we have to leave and do something boring that would take forever you asked.  I felt bad. I had already been absent for two weeks, it wasn't fair for you to have to sit in a waiting room and doctor office on a Friday night.  I gave you two options.  You could go with me or I could get Grandma Baskall to come over and watch you.  About 30 minutes later I asked if you had made your decision.  You hesitated and so I said maybe you could come with me and call daddy in case something happened.  You said that was the choice you were going to make all along and came with me. 

Jace, I was so proud of you that night.  I had a fever, a headache, and was feeling terrible.  You were so mature and grown up through the entire thing.  You had to wait for a total of almost three hours, and you did so watching the iPad and being quiet and respectful.  Through my haze of sickness I would look at you incredulously.  Just a few short years ago, you were the boy who whizzed around the doctor office, playing on the stool, crashing into walls, leaping off the exam table, opening and closing every drawer and touching every button.  I remember one visit where you pulled the nurse's call button and she was not happy to come and see it was a false alarm caused by a toddler whose mom clearly had not control over. 

When I left to get an Xray, you called Grandma Smith and calmly explained the situation.  When we left, three medical professionals commented on what a good boy you were and one said how proud I must be.  I quickly agreed.  I am sooo proud of you and even prouder you are my son.  I know you are only six, but you are an amazing boy, soul, and human.  I love you so much.  I see all the potential this world has to offer when I look into your eyes, and I just pray I can encourage you to be the person I know you can be.

Thank you for being my son.  I'm the luckiest mom in the world.  I love you forever.

Love,
Mom