Parenting peacefully

I ran across this today, and it reminded me of my sweet Jace. Dynamite is the nickname my Grandma Louis has for him.  

Cody is determined to parent him peacefully, without violence, and I respect him for that. I honestly could have gone either way, but we are a united front and we must parent together.  Jace is no doubt a strong willed child.  Fiercely independent and strong, but with a soft heart and gentle soul.  When I yell at him he immediately yells back, but will fold into my arms needing a hug.  

Cody started that too with Ashlynn.  Do you need a hug?  She would always say yes, Jace would always say no, but I soon realized just because Jace said no didn't mean he didn't need one.  I started responding with love during those moments.  Those same moments that would have earned me a smack in the face or a paddle with the wooden spoon, I hug my son instead and afterward have him say he's sorry.

I see a difference.  He asks for hugs now.  I don't even have to ask.  He knows when his emotions are so high and he doesn't know what to do, he comes asks for a hug.  I think this is parenting peacefully.

It's hard to be judged from family members so critically.  I'm constantly being told how bad my son needs spankings. The other day at this birthday party, my mom took away car keys from him and he yelled at her and slammed his door.  My sister-in-law piped up quickly to declare "my kids would never slam a door.  What did we make you do when you slammed doors?" to which her sons quickly replied "kiss it."  She was so indignant and proud until I said, "oh yay, I'm so glad I get my parenting slammed on my son's own birthday."  

She did apologize, but those things are hard to hear.  I know in my heart though, the approach we are taking is right.  I know spanking just causes rage as an adult, proven in study after study.  I have rage and I hate it.  My brother had a saying all kids come out of childhood needing therapy.  I think about that now and I don't think that needs to be true.  Maybe we are wrong, time will tell.

Jace though is absolutely destined for greatness.  He is smart, ingenuitive, strong willed, assertive, but also has a great heart.  Cody and I have to teach him to channel all those strengths into something positive, because Jace is a game changer.  I love that little boy.