So, SO PROUD of you!

Jace, not only have you had an EXCELLENT and continued start to the school year, I am so proud of you for your behavior at this year's apraxia walk.  I know it's not easy to see Ashlynn get a medal for apraxia, and you don't understand why.  Not yet anyway.  Either way though, you stick by her side, held the sign during the walk, and supported her the best way you could.

You asked me why you didn't have apraxia, as though it was something to want to have.  Though this makes me happy for Ashlynn's sake, it also makes me sad.  One day, when you understand what apraxia is, you will also understand it is not something to envy, and because of it, this may be the only award she earns during her school career.

I see you in karate.  Your motor skills are developing at lightening pace speed.  As your mom, it's remarkable to witness.  Both your grandfathers on each side were very athletic.  They had great "natural ability" as my dad describes it.  You have that too.  I see it.  I want you to remember Ashlynn cheers you on at your karate classes.  She is your loudest supporter when you earn a new belt, and I want Ashlynn to remember how you were there for her too at her apraxia walk; cheering her on and holding her sign when she got tired.

My dad, your grandfather, is a BIG believer in family.  He's like this because his youngest brother died at 27.  I don't think he's every forgiven himself for it, even though it was not his fault.  He always told me though,  had his brother called family....he wouldn't have been dead.  He wanted to make sure the same for me and my siblings, and I want to make sure the same is true for you and Ashlynn.  Regardless of your fights or squabbles, at the end of the day, family MUST always be there for each other.  That is the blessing of a family.  That is the gift of a family.  Family is love, and as Corinthians reminds us:

 Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always hopes, ALWAYS perseveres.

 Whatever the challenge, a parent's greatest wish is that her children, whom she loves equally, will be there for each other as well.  In my absence or presence, I always want you two to "have each other's back."  The world can be cruel.  It can be lonely....but one thing you should always be able to count on is your family.

You both make me proud.

Love,
Mommy

GREAT start to school!

This year Jace has had an EXCELLENT start to the school year.   The teachers report he has a lot of self-motivation, and he is being a good leader and friend in class!

Today at drop off, he told the teacher he had something for her.  As he unzipped his backpack and held my breath.  Lord only knows what that child would put in there.

He pulls out a packet of letters she sent home over the summer and announced that he had completed it.  We exchanged shocked glances as Jace scurried into class!

So proud of my little boy!!

Mr. Fix it

I was told the other day that someone thinks I am funny.  ME.  YEAH.  I wasn't buying it.  So I asked why and they said the stuff I post about you is hilarious.  

Ohhhhh....well that's no ME.  I retorted.  JACE is hilarious.

You baby, are hilarious, wonderful, and cute all at the same time.

This picture doesn't capture the best part of this day.  I had actually looked out the window to find your lying back down on the sidewalk reaching your arms up to "fix" the wiggle chair you have. By the time I snapped this pic, you informed me daddy let you do it, and you proceeded to jack the wiggle chair higher in the air.

I'm not sure who you reminded me of most.  Your dad, or Grandpa Baskall.  Your Uncle Jeff asked if you were cussing yet and demanding your coffee!  LOL.  I responded that though you weren't in this instance, I may have seen you yell at inanimate objects once or twice.....so I'm pretty sure some Baskall has snuck in you!  My guess is, it's only a matter of time before you're demanding coffee!

Although, you are still so much of your dad!  The other day, you came home from school and when I asked you how your day was (you are 4 btw and in preschool), you told me it was good except "Dreyden was being a DICK!"

WHOAH!!!  I said to you!  DON'T SAY THAT WORD

"Oh, I'm really sorry mommy.  I didn't know." :/

Oh Jace.  It's hard to keep a straight face with you sometimes.  

Stepping up to help your mom..and you're only 4

Daddy went to the hospital this week.  When you're older, you will understand, but for now, Daddy's head hurts.

You were killing me with your questions.  Most people say the "where is daddy?" question in the worse....that may be true if daddy dies.  Thankfully that didn't happen.

The worst question for me to field was, "Does daddy like me?"  You asked it after he was unable to talk to you on the phone, because unbeknownst to you he was crying so hard he couldn't speak.

"Of course daddy likes you!  He likes you soo soo much," I answered.  The words felt empty.  You're just too young to understand.

Inside the hospital, daddy demanded I never let this happen to you.  Of course, if you have it, you have it.  There is nothing I can do.  However, I can make sure I get you help early and not deny you may have a problem.  I will do everything in my power Jace.  I just pray you are strong willed like your daddy and that is all.

Since he's been gone, I've been noticing little changes in you.  You've started trying to take his place. You feel a responsibility to take care of me and do things you have seen daddy do for me.

I first noticed at the fundraiser for apraxia.  We were at a trampoline place and I told you it was time to go.  You didn't argue or anything.  Instead, you went to our cubby, and instead of just getting your shoes on, you pulled out my flip flops and brought them over to me.  I was talking to another mom, so instead of interrupting, you left them by my feet.  I noticed a minute later and you were gone.  I was inredulous at your sense of responsibility!

in King Soopers when were buying Daddy more Gatorade, you told me not to carry it, and you took your little arms and drug it over to my cart.  It's something daddy would do, because I never by drinks.

We finally made it home and I had a box of fundraising items I picked up from an apraxia mom.  I was just going to leave it in my car.  I went inside and the next thing I know is you went to the passenger side and got out the box to bring inside for me.

It's so big, you tripped over your tricycle because you couldn't see.  Usually one to cry I came running over to soothe you, but you dusted off your knee and picked up all the loose pieces before you continued on your mission of bringing in the box for me.

I snapped this picture and looked on incredulous.  If you do end up like your dad, it will be sad that you have a disease in your brain,  but your heart will always be pure and true, just like your dad's.  

Jace turns four!

Happy Birthday Jace!  This year was your best birthday yet!  To start, she got your very own suitcase from Great Grandma Green and you packed your puppy, sandals. and a blanket to our annual Fourth of July trip to Glendo!

Then, when you go there, we surprised you with a new bike!  "Here comes Jace on his fancy new bike!" you were yelling throughout the campground!

We got you a bike with handle bar brakes and you got the hang of them right away.  I took you to a park at the campground, and some kids started taunting you for your training wheels.  My defenses went up and I immediately jumped in and told them to stop being rude, but I quickly realized you could hold your own when you said,

Oh, well, your bike doesn't have handle bar brakes.

You shut them right up!  They came running over to your bike to see the cool feature your bike had!  I was so proud of you!  They tried to taunt you again for having training wheels, but you didn't let them get you.  You matter of factly told them you needed them to help you stay up and then you rode off!  I hope you always remember that valuable lesson.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Eleanor Roosevelt.

When people make fun of you, it only works when you let them get to you.  If you embrace it rather than let them make you feel bad, you take away all of their power.  I"m so impressed by you!  You are one cool little dude!

Some other highlights were your very own pair of jetski riding goggles, and magna-tiles.

At the fireworks show, you asked if they fireworks were for you party, so of course we said yes!  I had the choice to have you July 3rd or July 5th, and I chose July 3rd so you would always have fireworks for your birthday!  Love you Jace!!  Happy Birthday Son!

Great day yesterday, feeling good, and then...he pushes down a baby

For the past two days, Jace had a great day!  He was still mischievous and naughty, but he took his time-outs without protest, and even calmed himself down from a temper tantrum at church.  (Normally he would be getting carried out). 

I told my mom last night things were looking up!  Maybe he just needed to get in the swing of the new routine and have clear and consistent boundaries set that he will have now that I'm home.  

Well, today he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I should document also though that he had a waffle I thought was gluten free but was actually just whole grain, and he had some breakfast sausage.  Just want to keep track of this stuff because the past two days he had gluten free waffles.

Anyway, Ashlynn and him were so good for the babysitter yesterday I told them I would take them to the park, but it rained so I had to take them today.  Ashlynn totally deserved it, but we barely got there.  Fighting over how was to be line leader ensued and was a meltdown.  Ahhh

At the park he was listening "ok" but then he found himself with a baby not even 1 year old.  She was standing up trying to play with a steering wheel when he just pushed her down so he could play with it.

I immediately ran over and put him in timeout, but since he won't stay in timeout, old Jace came out.  Screaming, cries that he didn't want to be in timeout, and then kicking me ensued.  I remained calm and told them it was time to go.  It's not really fair to Ashlynn she had to pay for her brother's bad behavior, but what can I do?

He went to time out at home and then got out.  He was playing with his tablet and A with my iPad when she got up to get a drink.  He grabbed the iPad and declared it was his.  I told him no, that it was still her turn and here a crash.  

Yep.  He threw it.  Why I decided to trust him after he already broke my other one IDK.  I believe in second chances.  

Why don't they work with him??  What am I going to do??  There is a popular news story right now about a kid who went to Stanford who is a great swimmer that raped a girl and only got 6 months.  In a shameful display of elitest entitlement and affluenza, the father appealed to the judge that he shouldn't have to pay 20 years for "20 minutes of action" and that he feels so bad because he used to love to make ribeye steak for his son, and now he won't even eat it because he's depressed.  

What about the girl he violated??  What about the fact that she is forever scared now to walk out alone?  The fact that she is emotionally scarred forever, the fact that she will have trust issues, probably need therapy, the list goes on.  Oh it doesn't matter because poor good 'ol boy shouldn't have his life ruined too.

How do I prevent this from being Jace?  How??  I hate to say it but he lacks empathy and sometimes just acts like an asshole.  Okay, A LOT of the times.  

I read somewhere empathy can be taught.  Dear God teach me how to teach him this.  I mean he pushed down a BABY!!!  WTH is wrong with this kid?

Crying and it's only 8:00 AM on the second day of summer break

Jace's behavior can be perfect.  This is especially true when Ashlynn isn't around.  Just her presence, for whatever reason, sets him off.  This morning, he had already kicked her, but in his defense she was kicking him too.

I fed him gluten free waffles which he actually ate.  His behavior does seem better when he doesn't have gluten and when he eats more meat....both of which are hard with his picky eating.

After breakfast though, he flew around the house in a manic frenzy.  He was hitting the book Ashlynn was reading, then he threw markers at it.  I told him if he touched the book one more time he would go to time out.  He did of course, because listening isn't his thing, and that ended him with continually slamming the door.  I told him to stop or he would be in the car seat.  He's in the car seat of course, because again, listening isn't his thing.  While putting him in though I was scratched, slapped in the face, and he tried to bite me.  Awesome morning.

I came out here to write this and I'm crying.  I'm failing him.  I don't know what to do. He is literally raging in there right now.  He is a maniac when he's like this. What do I do?  How do I help him?

I have a sticker chart again rewarding positive behavior.  It's of course working great for Ashlynn.  He wants stickers too, but if he doesn't earn one he starts raging again.


My God, he's only going to be 4.  What happens when he's bigger and stronger than me?? Why does he hit me??

I'm sad and I don't know what to do. :(